Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Thoughts and Apologies

Yesterday I posted a link to a blog. A blog that talked about suicide which has obviously been a huge topic as of late. I haven't had as hard a day as I did yesterday for a long time. I feel very misrepresented from the comments people posted and even comments I made myself. Yesterday I was confused, hurt, afraid of the hurt I had caused others, and very contemplative. I've struggled to know if I should even say anything now or just let it pass. As I've thought through everything I decided to share my thoughts of why I posted this link in the first place. I did so for 2 reasons:

1: because my cousin, who suffers from depression probably on a level I don't quite understand, posted it first. I am in awe of my cousin and her ability to find joy in the day no matter what she might be feeling. I was impressed that even though she struggles so much, that she felt that she had a choice about the way her life was going to pan out.

2: because I'm always worried when celebrities commit suicide. I'm afraid for those people who are struggling with depression right now. Who right now are debating ending their life. And then to see all the amazing accolades and think they too will have such a tremendous experience if they also decide to take their life. I didn't post this link to judge those who have taken there life, but to bring hope to those who want to.

These were the only 2 thoughts going through my head when I posted this article. I understand that Matt Walsh is harsh and very blunt but I thought his overall message was very captivating. These are some phrases that stood out to me:

1) "Only we shouldn’t turn the subject into a purely cold, clinical matter. “Chemical imbalances,” people say. “A man is depressed because of his brain chemicals, and for no other reason.” No, we are more than our brains and bigger than our bodies. Depression is a mental affliction, yes, but also spiritual.

Initially this sounds very harsh depending on how you look at it but I thought it was very beautiful. Of course there are chemical imbalances in depression that must be dealt with and should not be overlooked (I don't think he was saying their isn't) but what a beautiful and profound statement to say "we are more then our brains and bigger then our bodies." This brings me great hope in my own life with my own struggles. I felt it would bring great hope to those who really feel that they are not more then their brains or bigger then their bodies. Of course we are because we have the Savior. He who has descended below them all, came out victorious, and has given us the same promise! With His help we can overcome all. 

2) "First, suicide does not claim anyone against their will. No matter how depressed you are, you never have to make that choice.  To act like death by suicide is exactly analogous to death by malaria or heart failure is to steal hope from the suicidal person. We think we are comforting him, but in fact we are convincing him that he is powerless. We are giving him a way out, an excuse. Sometimes that’s all he needs — the last straw."

Ok again, I understand that this is a very harsh sounding but I wanted to address how it stood out to me. 

When I read this I imagined if I myself was depressed enough that I could not think clearly and was on the verge of taking my own life. I would want someone to give me the hope that I wasn't to far gone. I would want someone to tell me that I could overcome and that I could find joy again. That with help from doctors and the Savior, that my life could be full and a life worth living. I would not want to feel that I had no choice; that the only way to escape myself was to pull the trigger, even if that's how I really felt (and I know many people do feel this way which is what makes the whole situation so sad)! I would want to give hope to anyone who I felt was in danger of taking there own life. To me, this statement was about people who are here and struggling.

3) " the end, joy is the only thing that defeats depression. No depressed person in the history of the world has ever been in the depths of despair and at the heights of joy at the same time. The two cannot coexist. Joy is light, depression is darkness. When we are depressed, we have trouble seeing joy, or feeling it, or feeling worthy of it. I know that in my worst times, at my lowest points, it’s not that I don’t see the joy in creation, it’s just that I think myself too awful and sinful a man to share in it.
So this, for me, is always the most essential moral at the end of these kinds of sad, terrible stories: we are all meant for joy. We are all meant for love. We are all meant for life. And as long as we can still draw breath, there is joy and love to be found here. I believe that. If I didn’t, I would have left a long time ago."

Do I even have to say it? Harsh? Yes! My take:

Like I said earlier, of course there are chemical imbalances and when that is the case medication is needed but what else do doctors prescribe? Exercise, eating healthy, getting out, serving, enjoying nature, be active, don't sit at home with your own thoughts, get out with friends. On a religious level we read scriptures, pray, attend the temple, serve in our callings. These are all things that help those imbalances. I'm no scientist, but we know these things cause endorphins and other awesome natural "high" feelings in ourselves. Although medication is amazing and needed it is not enough. We must strive to bring joy into our lives to understand that our life is a life worth living. When we strive to become like God we feel His love and we are slowly (sometimes extremely slowly) able to see ourselves the way He sees us and the potential He sees in us and our lives. That is why being active and medication go hand in hand. 

In the end he says, 

"If you are thinking about suicide, don’t keep it inside. Tell someone. Never give up the fight. There is always hope.

Wouldn't we tell our friends the same? I would. I know everyone would! 

I know this message came across very harshly for those who have lost loved ones to suicide but I didn't post this link for those people. In my eyes it was a message for those who needed hope that their life was still worth living. 

For those who have lost loved ones to suicide I'm sorry. It is a terrible thing to experience. I didn't post this to judge those who have passed. I only have a small idea of what thoughts someone has when they decide to take their own life. You can't live your life with a deadly disease without experiencing depression yourself and having some understanding of such things. Getting to a point in your life where you literally feel that you have no choice but escape through death must be a most terrible experience.  I have no idea what happens in the next life and I didn't mean to presume that I did. I do know that for whatever anyone goes through in this life there is always hope and love in the next life and that in the end only our Father in Heaven (thankfully) will be the judge of our earthly experiences. I am truly sorry for any hurt I caused. 

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Hospital Stay

Well, here I am in the hospital with nothing but time on my hands. It gets a little busy depending on the time of day but I pretty much have enough time to do whatever I want. :) I figured this would be a great time to update the blog.

I've been in here 10 days and have 2 days to go. I'm so excited. This is the longest I've ever been away from Levi and it's killing me. I really miss Jarom also but Jarom remembers me. Well Levi remembers me but it's not the same.

We switched to Kaiser at the beginning of the year to save money on our insurance premiums but the only Kaiser that has a CF clinic is in LA. Normally it's not a big deal because I can still see my primary doctors in San Diego and only have to come up here once every 3 months for my check ups but I do need to be hospitalized up here so I can be close to my CF doctors. Unfortunately that means I'm 3 hours away from Jarom and Levi and it's just to much for Levi to make the drive. 3 (or more) hours in the car on the way up, then stuck in a little room for however long (which I know he'd just want to run around and climb on everything), and then right back in the car for the 3 hour drive home. He's to little for it to be worth it to sit in a car for so long so he can see mommy for a little bit. He doesn't think that way. All he wants is to play at the park, all day every day. I can't blame him. Parks are WAY more fun than hospitals. Thankfully we have FaceTime which has been a life saver, although sometimes it gets a little hard to see him so far away. More then one FaceTime has ended with tears running down my face but what's kept me going is that it's all worth it. This stay is not only giving me more time with Levi in the future but better quality time with him now.

My lung function declines so slowly that sometimes I don't realize how bad I really am until I get a tune-up. I was exhausted before I came in here with my poor body trying to be a mom, go to school, and fight off this awful infection that had built up in my lungs. Now that I've become so much better I'm so excited to get back to Levi and be more energized then ever. I'm ready to take on the rest of this summer with some fun! Plus I just finished my last week of school for the semester and have a wonderful 8 weeks off!!! *Happy Dance*

It's also been a blessing to see how well I'm doing since having him. I haven't been this healthy since I was pregnant with Levi. I was really afraid that having babies would significantly lower my lung function with each baby. Not that I'm planning on having 100 babes now because having kids still takes a lot out of me but I feel better about having at least one more. Overall this stay has been long but good! I can't wait to get home!!!

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Everything In Between

These are a bunch of little things that happened since before we moved until this point. Just wanted to document some stuff...

Rhonda got this for me for Mother's day because Jarom and I love to do puzzles! Isn't that a cute idea?! 

 This month of school has been kicking my rear end. I still have 3 weeks left from today (a 14 week course.) This was after three weeks of study before my first exam. I'm doing Anatomy and Physiology. I thought I loved learning about the body until I took this course. Phew I am tired... and practically don't care anymore about how my cells work. Actually if things made sense I would probably love it. The things I do understand I am fascinated with... but that like one thing out of 1000. 

Levi and I have been trying to do some fun summer things here in SD since we moved. The have this new down town spray area that is so fun. That is pretty much how high the water comes up but Levi loved running through the sprayers. I've wanted to do more fun water things except... (see photo below)

About 3 months ago I discover I was allergic to the cold! Yes the cold. I know of only one other person who has an allergic reaction to the cold which is why I even thought of it in the first place. Seriously if I had never met my friend I wouldn't even know it was possible. Anyway playing in the water is hard because even if it doesn't feel cold, just having the wind blow across my wet legs makes me break out really badly. This photo was taken on a GORGEOUS day at the beach. I'm so bummed because it itches SO badly and it's really preventing our fun water time. :( Going in the pool, sprinklers, even really humid cool air makes me start breaking our. Doctors don't know the cause and it can start at any time in your life and stop at any time. It's super annoying. 

We've also been having fun with our cousins who live 1 min walking distance from our house. This is not he way to Sea World.

Levi LOVES Henry and Henry tolerates Levi. :) Henry is a dog that likes his own space and Levi really loves being in his space. It's a love/hate relationship. :)

And last we had a 4th of July party with the family (although no pictures were taken). We came home to watch the fireworks which we could see pretty well from our balcony. It was a nice ending to a good (and somewhat stressful) day. :)

That's all the odds and ends for now! :)

Del Mar Fair

We don't always do the fair because it's stresses Jarom out but we did this year and it was fun. I'm not sure it was worth the money spent and we probably won't go back next year but we still had a good time. We did the butterfly and exhibit, Levi did a ride, and then we walked around and looked at some exhibits.

Levi loved this boat ride and threw a fit when he had to get off. Sorry kid but it was over $2 for one ride. 

Run for the Rosa's

We don't get into horse racing much although I really understand people who do. That would probably be my favorite "sport" to watch. Short and intense. :) This year though a horse named California Chrome was racing and he had won the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness Stakes. We all got together and had a party to watch him in the Belmont Stakes. If he had won all three he would have received the triple crown. We were all VERY hopeful but alas, he didn't win the Belmont Stakes. It was still fun to watch and get together for. Lahren and Rhonda created a very cute party. Lahren did most of the decor and Rhonda did all the financing... as she normally does... because that is part of her big heart and generous nature. <3 nbsp="" p="">
Anyway the theme of the party was "Run for the Rosa's" because it was a family party for Rhonda and her last name is Rosa. :) Also if you're not into horse racing at all theres a popular race called "Run for the Roses."


This is the first post of many which will be happening today. Just trying to catch up and it will be mainly pictures. :)

Rhonda provided an adorable and memorable Easter for Levi (and his cousins). She did baskets and an egg hunt. It was so fun and so cute. The "eggs" were adorable all the boys favorites. Star Wars, Thomas the Train, polka dots, and eggs that looked like cars and had wheels on them. So much fun. Rhonda is so sweet to always provide fun experiences like this for our family.

Can you find the Easter Eggs? ;)

There are 3 in this picture.

2 here...think Star Wars. :)

Easter Baskets

New coloring book

All the goodies

Bubble Fun

All the different kinds of eggs. Adorable right?!

Monday, June 9, 2014

Moving Day

Moving has been crazy. We are all beyond exhausted and ready to be done. Although I love change and am excited for the move there's a lot we're leaving behind that I will miss. Because we were moving back to San Diego we went down 5 days early to get our condo ready then drove back up to move all the stuff. Those 5 days being "homeless" was hard on all of us but especially Levi. His entire schedule was thrown off and he wasn't sleeping well. Remind me to only move one other time in my life and that is when I move out of California and build our dream home. *Sigh* someday! That would be worth all the mess in moving!

 Here are some pics of the transition...

The day before we moved all our stuff we got new carpet. It felt wonderful! Levi was rolling all over it and laughing. Then I made him take a picture with me and he started getting angry. Oh the life of a toddler.

Driving up to Rancho to meet the movers and get our stuff.

Ready to go.

This picture was taken after we had "moved in" (getting everything put away). He was always so tired trying to lay down on anything he could. Poor baby.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

What's the big deal with Essential Oils?

With all the posts we may see going around about essential oils you can’t help but feel that whoever is using them, thinks they have some magical properties or powers inside them. (I mean these people seem crazy right?! Probably brewing potions over the kitchen stove as we speak.) I admit sometimes they do feel pretty powerful when you’re son has been up in his crib for over an hour and looks like he has no intention of calming down but then you apply some Peace and Calming oil and he’s asleep 5 min later. Pretty awesome. But really there is nothing extraordinary about essential oils. There are no magical ingredients put in the bottles or voodoo chants done over the bottles before they ship out to you. They’re just plants. Plants that God has given to us to be healthy and to have a better life. Plants that have been taken and very carefully been distilled so we can benefit from them better (depending on the company you buy from… do your research!) All the oils I will talk about come from Young Living. An amazing company that farms and distills their own oils. Love this company. I want to give you 3 reasons why I decided to do Essential Oils.

#1) I want to get rid of as many chemicals in my life as possible. I love the day and age we live in. Everything is modern and convenient. But this can come with a price. Most everything we use has chemicals in it. I’m not ready to get rid of all the things I love and live in the hills, grow my own food, and stop using products that make me more beautiful (give me my spray gel and mascara). But I do want to cut down on what I can. I recently read a fantastic book by Dr. Wentz called “The Healthy Home.” This book is phenomenal (and slightly depressing) as he goes through every room in your house and tells you what could be in that room that’s adding chemicals to your life (so many things I never thought about!)  He talks about how the government “has come up with the term “maximum safe levels” to tell you how much of a toxic ingredient you body should be able to withstand.” The problem is companies use this “maximum safe level” in their product, but we use multiple products. Think about what you use every day on your body alone; shampoo, conditioner, hairspray, gel, face wash, toner, lotion(s), each individual piece of makeup, nailpolish, deodorant, perfume, shaving cream, sunscreen, etc. If each of these items reaches the maximum safety level for toxicity we are way over what our bodies can handle. And we haven’t even started on cleaning products (or food for that matter). Oils have replaced a lot of these things for me and I love that.

#2) I love modern medicine. I think doctors are fantastic and I'm very grateful. I’m alive because of them and have a son because of them. I am not in a position to get off my medication (ever) so if I've learned anything from being on medication my whole life it's that you want to be on as little as possible!! By using essential oils I can't stop taking my medication but it can help my body function better in a natural way. My son has eczema and because of oils I don’t have to put steroid creams on him and he can have beautiful healthy skin! Whenever he gets a cut I use the lavender oil and not only does is sooth but heals in half the time.  The other night I was getting a canker sore. Normally I would just wait it out but I put a little Thieves on it (an oil I explain below) and it was gone the next day. No medications, no side effects. Oils can help naturally *always consult a physician*! And again it goes back to the whole “less chemicals” idea.

This brings me to #3. I LOVE eating healthy (although I'm far from perfect.) I feel better knowing I'm helping my body function better. I love to juice, do green smoothies, eat veggies, fruits, etc. If we eat the right food, our bodies perform so much better. BUT there is no way I could eat enough to do what all my oils do for me.

Did you know oregano fights infection? And to make a very long story short I have a disease called Cystic Fibrosis which causes my body to have infections all the time. Sure I could eat however many cups of oregano a day, maybe put it in a smoothie or get it into the dinner I’m making that night. OR I could just take oregano that is highly potent through becoming an oil, put a couple drops in an empty capsule, and swallow. Easier right? 

So let’s say I did eat all these plants to make my life better. Try getting my son to eat some of these plants. There is an oil called Thieves. It’s an oil blend meaning it contains multiple oils (clove, cinnamon bark, Rosemary, Lemon, and Eucalyptus (E.radiata).  The Thieves oil blend helps support the immune system. Every Sunday my son plays with kids his age (and their germs) at church. I love that he can do this but when we get home there’s no way he would eat anyone one of the items I mentioned above, not to mention the amount of each item he would have to eat to make them potent enough. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t even blend them into a smoothie that would make them taste good. But he will let me put a couple drops of Thieves oil on the bottom of his feet! 

I could go on but I think you get my point. 

It can seem pricey especially when just starting (trust me I know.) But when you make your own chemical free cleaning/beauty products (that you don't have to worry about if your son accidentally ingests because they're all food based) it can be cheaper in the long run then whatever you may be buying (and did I mention healthier). :) Plus once you start and have a good base you just add on slowly. Not every oil works the same for every person and it can get frustrating/overwhelming when you're trying to figure out what works for your family but they do work. Maybe not all of them, but some of them will work for you!

To end... oils are awesome! Maybe you're still a skeptic, that's fine, but they're just plants. Plants that I'm finally utilizing to make my life better.

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