Life keeps moving...

I just did a big Levi update but here are some other things going on.

1) I'm still in school and loving it! I mean I don't always want to sit down and do homework (like right now) but I feel so good about myself and it seems the spirit is constantly giving me feelings of encouragement that this is exactly what I'm suppose to be doing. It's been hard to change my attitude a little and understand that what used to be my relaxation/TV time is now homework time. I've tried to change my thinking that homework is great "me" time because I'm putting time into making myself a better person which is way better then watching TV. I still find time to slip in a show every now and then. :]

2) I feel healthier than I've ever been. Which is funny because according to numbers, I'm not. My lung function is down (70%) and my weight is way down (117lbs). But I'm eating so much healthier, drinking 75oz a water a day, and exercising regularly. I think exercising and cutting out so much junk food (plus chasing Levi around) is making it hard for me to keep the weight on. I feel more energized and I'm on a much healthier schedule. 10pm is bedtime and I'm up with Levi around 7:30-8. I still need a good 8-9 hours of sleep a night but I don't feel sick all the time like I used to. Before I had Levi I couldn't even wake up before 9-10am without feeling like I was going to die. I feel amazing and it's incredible how much more the spirit can be with you and influence you when you have a clean healthy temple! Even with my low numbers I feel great about where I am right now.

Having a baby really helps motivate you to change physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally because you want to be the best person you can be for them. I can't believe how much I've changed in the last 5 years let along the last 16 months. It's incredible and I feel great.

3) We are moving!! Yep we're headed back to SD. Jarom got transferred because the new hire lives up here and a spot at San Marcos is opening up. It's a lot cheaper to transfer us instead of him and we feel really good about it. There was a lot that happened that led us to this point. Basically last year we had to pay a double mortgage for about 4 months because our renters kept leaving for various reasons. :/ We did not know what to do and the debt was pilling up. We thought we were good at finances before. We're great now. :] We cut back more then we ever thought we could (like becoming a one car family) and started applying some good skills. Even with all our work we were accumulating debt like crazy. We prayed a lot to know what to do. Find renters, sell, etc. Finally we talk to Jarom's boss here in southern California about what was going on and moving back. He didn't say much or seem to think much about it but as soon as we told him we were willing to move we found renters that week that were solid! Then when they found out the new hire lived in Fontana they talked to us again and put in an official transfer order. We really feel that we were suppose to talk to Scott (Jaroms boss) about moving back that first time because if we hadn't, they probably wouldn't have approached us about moving at all not knowing what was going on or how we really felt about leaving Rancho.

We'll move around the 1st of June. There's many pros and cons but like I said we feel good about it and now that we know we're moving down we just want to get down there already. We're happy to be back in a place that we own and have some more freedoms with plus it's a 2 bedroom and is even cheaper then the 1 bedroom apartment we're in right now!

I guess that's about it. Right now I'm going through all of our stuff and figuring out what's going with us and what's going to D.I. (church donations). I've also made drawings of our entire apartment and know exactly how I want it decorated and organized! :] Talk about something that relaxes me. Seriously! Nothing like turning on a good show and thinking about how everything we have here will fit there and making it look good and be efficient. Really... it makes me giddy. I love organizing! I have a million things pinned on pinterest that I want to do. We'll just have to go little by little and I'll definitely be posting some before and afters! :] Jarom is doing awesome with institute and his calling. He's an amazing hard worker and does a really good job at balancing calling, work, and home life which is really tricky. Him going to San Marcos will be a hard change for me. I'm so used to being close to the institute here and having him pop home during the afternoon before an evening class and it will be an adjustment having him so far and unreachable. :[ San Marcos is about 40 min away from our condo without traffic but unfortunately, he'll be right in the flow of rush hour traffic making it that much longer. We're thinking about getting an energy efficient car so he can ride in the car pool lanes but I guess you'll find out about that later too. :]

The point is Jarom is amazing, Levi is amazing, and we're all doing great. Life is really good right now and we are very blessed!

Crunchy Mom?

So I'd never heard this term until recently and when I first did I didn't even know what it meant. So I googled it. Of course I can't find the blog that I looked up now but it had a list of things that might make you a "crunchy mom." I don't want to offend all the true crunchy moms out there so I'll say I'm semi-crucnhy. :] I also just want to put a disclaimer out there that I don't think you're a bad parent if you don't do these things. I've just done the research and discovered what I think it best for me and Levi and these things fall under that catagory. That doesn't mean I think everyone needs to do them. You know yourself and your child better then anyone.

Anyway this women had a list of items on her blog that would categorize you as a crunchy parent and honestly, most of the things I have done stemmed from wanting to save money. The other things I've decided to do come from the fact that I want to be healthier and I want to start Levi being healthier also. These are the ones I've decided to do or done:

-Using non-toxic cleaning products. This falls under saving money and being healthier (but mostly saving money.) To clean the house I use vinegar and baking soda and it has saved us a TON of money in the past few months. I use them for everything and I love that I can clean the kitchen counters and spray the fruits and veggies and I don't have to worry about getting cleaning products on them. I also have a safe laundry detergent that I use for all the laundry (including Levi's) which costs about $15 to make for a YEAR'S worth of detergent. I love it, plus who wants to buy that ridiculously expensive baby detergent?!

- I'm breastfeeding.  At least for the first year which has been a little tough on my health but we're managing and I'm so glad that I can do it for Levi. I feel blessed that I'm able to and I'm so sorry for all you women out there who can't and I definitely don't think it makes you a bad parent if you don't or if you don't like it. I was a formula baby for health reasons and I turned out ok... I think. :]

- Not using rice cereal. I'm not sure using not using rice cereal is part of the "crunchy parent" persona but I was doing research on it and I don't see the need to give it to Levi. The more research I did the more I realized rice cereal is pretty much straight sugar (which makes sense.) It can have good effects but none of the good things that come from giving your babies rice cereal effect Levi so why give it to him?.

-Making my own baby food. Jarom and I got a Ninja for Christmas. I can't believe how much baby food costs! Ridiculous! I decided to make my own which will also be healthier to keep out all that extra processed sugar. I haven't started doing it yet as Levi is still to little but I hope I'll be able to stick with it. :] This also doesn't mean Levi will never have fast food or dessert. I just believe in moderation.

-No Vaccines. It's not that I think all vaccines are bad and I think many of them are beneficial but I don't trust these companies who are pumping them out and I don't feel good about giving my baby a ton of medicine all at once. If there were just a few vaccines I wouldn't mind but it is ridiculous how many vaccines are recommended AND how much money they make off of them. Don't get me wrong I LOVE modern medicine. It's the only reason I'm still alive and able to have children. But because I've been on it my entire life I also know how harmful it can be for us. I mean there is no medicine out there that doesn't have a warning label a mile long and just because we may not receive any of the symptoms when we take those medications, that doesn't mean it's still not affecting out bodies in a negative way. Some of the meds I'm on are actually killing me, they're just killing me slower then the CF. So yes I love modern medicine but I believe if you can do things holistically you should and I don't see the need for ALL those vaccinines. But again I completely understand if you do those things and I'm not trying to say you're a bad parent if you do. I was scared to make the decision to not vaccinate Levi. There are pro's and con's to both sides of the spectrum but for myself and Levi, I personally feel there are more cons.

-Cloth diapers. I haven't totally decided on this one and it really is just to save money. I mean helping the earth is great but it's not really my number one priority. I just haven't decided if it would be cheaper or not. I think the route I'd want to take would be the disposable inserts and I don't feel like those would save you much money.

Anyway like I said I'm not a full on crunchy parent or even a half crunchy parent. Maybe a quarter crunchy. :] But I think that those who are, are great and those who are not, are also great! :] Whatever works best for you, your baby, and your family is what you need to do!

Things that make me a non crunchy parent:

- I didn't have a natural birth although I'd still love to do one. I had an epidural and as nice as it is to not feel pain, it wasn't a great experience either. I'd still love to try doing one if we ever have #2. I just need to come in more prepared and now that I know what my body does and what I need to do to get through the pain (even when nurses are telling me not to do those things) I'm hoping I'll be able to.

- We circumcised Levi. I didn't do to much research on this and really left it up to Jarom since he is a guy. I don't know if I'd want to be circumcised. I mean on the pain scale I'd think no but Jarom said he is really glad that he was so we did.

- I didn't co-sleep or even have him in our room for more then a week. I just couldn't do it. I need my own room and I need sleep and that wasn't happening with Levi in the room. I would also do this again with #2 as Levi is a great sleeper. Not that doing what we did made him a great sleeper but it may have helped.

- I eat non-oragnic foods. Mainly because non-organic foods are cheaper. I just wash them really well. :]

- I let Levi watch TV. It's not that I put him in front of his own TV shows but if I have a show on and he's really fussy, yes I let him watch it. But really Levi just isn't that fussy. I normally play and talk to him. I've done this maybe 3 times in the last 2 months. It usually happens when he wakes up and wants to eat but he hasn't made it to 3 hours. When I let him eat earlier then 3 hours his entire schedule gets thrown off and before I know it I'm feeding every hour!! Don't worry I don't starve him. If I can't console him I do feed him.

He is here! (Levi's Birth Story)

I started writing this the day after I had him and just finished today so sorry if it's not written very well. It's hard to write about a time when it's so easy to forget everything that has happened at specific times (water breaking, epidural, pushing, etc.). It's like I needed to write about everything while it was happening so this post may seem a little scattered. :]

Well he is here. Levi Anton Price came yesterday (10-13-12) at 1:54pm weighing in at 6 lbs 15oz and 20 inches long. It was quite the process getting him here. Right now my parents are here (my mom is holding Levi) and Jarom went to go get some sleep and shower at their house so I thought this was the perfect time to write the wonderful birth story.

Well this all started at a regular OB check up and stress test Friday (10-12) at 8am. As I wrote in my last blog post I had been dealing with some really intense itching which is a sign of liver problems. They had done a blood test over a week ago to see what my some of my liver levels were. When I came in for my appt. on Friday I talked to the OB to see what my numbers had been and they couldn’t find them. I went back to the lab to have another blood draw that they were going to process ASAP to see what they were. I went upstairs, had the blood draw, came back down and they had found the numbers from the previous week. I’m not sure exactly what liver number they were looking at but the normal level is 16, mine was 238! This indicated that I liver cholestasis. They still ran the second test and the liver number was the same. The OB said they wanted Jarom and I to head over to labor and delivery to be checked for pre-ecclampsia. If I was showing positive for pre-ecclampsia then they would induce me that day, if not they said they would give us up to 48 hours to get our things together and come back.

We went in and I wasn’t showing any signs of pre-ecclampsia but they still wanted to admit me. Liver chloestasis isn’t to bad for mom and when baby is pre-term they will use antibiotics to treat it but, once the mom is 37 weeks they induce her because babies who go full term are more likely to be still born. Since I would be 37 weeks the next day (Saturday the 13) they just wanted to get him out. Part of me wanted to get our things together but I was pretty nervous and I couldn’t help but think that by the time they started the inducing process the next day, I could already have a baby if I let them induce me right away. So we went in.

When I went in I was 1.5 cm dilated and 40% effaced. They started off giving me Misoprostal (a pill they place next to the cervix to help it ripen.) They gave me 3 doses and amazingly enough my water broke around 4am (at this point I was at 2cm dilated and 50% effaced)!!! I couldn’t believe it and I was so happy. Usually the Misoprostal just gets the cervix ready for pitocin but my body went into labor. The nurses were very surprised. It was such a blessing!

Then came the next big question, epidural or natural. I had studied up some on going natural and really wanted too so I thought I’d just go as long as I could. I’m sad to say I didn’t make it very far. Even before I started labor there were 2 reasons why I thought I might not go natural. The first was that I really hadn’t done a lot of research on it and going natural is not really something I think you can just jump into. I feel like that would be trying to run a marathon without training (not likely to happen.) The second set back would be if the contractions were making me really nauseated (I don’t handle that very well.) The contractions weren’t too bad at first (no nausea) but, like normal contractions, progressively started getting worse and were shooting all around (from stomach to back.) I had only had about 4 hours of sleep the night before and maybe an hour of sleep that night on and off before my water broke. This made me incredibly tired and as the contractions became worse I started crying (well sobbing really) because of pain and lack of sleep. This helped nothing as every time a contraction hit I would break down sobbing, couldn’t breath, and was shaking uncontrollably from the stress that my body was going through. I couldn't relax! My contractions were about 2 min apart (if I was lucky) and were lasting for over a minute. Many times though I would have 3 or 4 contractions back to back with no break. I had heard when you go natural that usually when you hit that moment where you don’t feel you can go on any further is when you need to push.Well about 15min before the pain became unbearable they had come in and checked me and I had only been at 5cm and 50% effaced. I almost wanted them to check me again to see if I had made some miraculous jump to an 8 or so. Probably not and I couldn't fathom what 10cm would feel like when I could barely handle 5cm so I decided to get the epidural. Another reason why I wanted to get the epidural also had to do with them checking me. I hated that! I had a hard enough time trying to relax with them up there pushing a creating so much pressure and then adding contractions on top of that was horrible. 

Getting the epidural was a lot of fun going in while I was sobbing, shaking uncontrollably, and not being able to breathe. As soon as a contractions would hit the 2 anistheologists and nurse would yell “don’t move, don’t move, you can do this!” Luckily (if that’s the right word) I have had practice holding still even during intense pain so I was able to not move and it went in well. Also the thought of having something go wrong around your spine is a pretty good motivator to not move one muscle. The only thing I felt was the lidocane shots and some pressure (but these were nothing compared to the contractions I was feeling.) I was pretty much equally numb on both sides and I could also still feel and move my legs and feel the lower contractions. By now it was around 6am and I was beyond exhausted. My mom, dad, and Rhonda were in the waiting room and my mom and Rhonda came back for a little bit to see how I was doing. Around 7am the nurse came in, checked me, and I was 9cm dilated and 100% effaced. The epidural had completely calmed me down and I had been able to relax enough that my body went straight to a 10. Well I actually was at 10cm. The nurse said 9cm so they could chart it as 9cm so I could get a couple hours of sleep before I started pushing (I love her!)

My mom and Rhonda left and I did sleep for a little bit (I maybe got an hour and a half.)

They came back in and I was having some good contractions every 2 min so we got ready to push. This started around 9:30am. Everything was going great for a while until my body only started contracting every 5min. I was making progress when I pushed but by the time the next contraction rolled around I had pretty much lost whatever progress I had made. Plus he was stuck under my pelvic bone and just couldn’t make it through (I guess I’m pretty small). This was going on for about 3 hours until a doctor came in and telling me that it was time to start thinking of different options.

The first was the vacuum where they put a suction type cup on the babies head and help suck him out while I’m pushing. The second was a c-section which would have been very difficult with how far he had already made it (I mean when I was pushing I could see the top of his head in a mirror.) I was NOT going to have a c-section. I had come too far, not to mention it would have been horrible with my CF as I need to cough and stay active. I asked if they could run some pitocin for a while to see if they couldn’t get my contractions closer together. I started feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Luckily the OB came in and was a lot calmer about everything. He said they usually don’t go over 3 hours but every woman is different and I could take some more time as there was no stress on the baby. That helped me relax and I really liked him (he wasn’t as intense as the previous lady doctor who had come in.)

I pushed for another hour and a half with pitocin but there was no significant progress (even with the doctors hand up inside me trying to help him out.)

We decided to move forward with the vacuum. Once they set everything up Little Levi was out in about 3 min. As they were setting things up one of the nurses looked at me and said “Now you still need to push as hard as you can. I’m just going to be guiding him out with the vacuum but you still need to do all the work.” Alright I was fine with that. Then I got this part of the story from Jarom afterward…

Apparently “guiding him out” meant pulling as hard as she could, straining every muscle in her body. I started pushing and after a while (maybe 20 sec. I’m guessing) the vacuum popped off his head and she stumbled backward. Everyone kind of freaked out but did so in a way that they kept pushing me more, loudly saying, “You’re doing a great job,” “almost there,” “keep pushing.” The nurse jumped back and quickly suctioned the vacuum back onto his head and kept pulling (my poor baby!)

I just kept pushing and pushing (even though I wasn’t contracting at all) and he finally made it. Because he was vaccumed out they couldn’t give him right to me because of complications he could have (blood pooling in the head, broken collar bone, etc.) and they passed him off to the pediatricians. I asked the doctors if anything was broken and they said no (YAY!). They took him, did a short examination, and then laid him on my chest but I was in a horrible position and it was really awkward holding him. Plus I’ve never felt like more of a little kid in my life. Here they were laying this beautiful baby boy on my chest and I felt like a baby myself.

I held him for a little bit but I guess I was a little zoned out. I hope I don’t sound like a bad mom but all I could focus on was getting cleaned up and in a position where I could really enjoy holding him and looking at him so I passed him off to Jarom (everything was pretty surreal at this point. It still is I guess :]).

I tore pretty badly (stage 3). So I tore up the vaginal canal and then almost back to my rectum (at least that’s how I understood it. Stage 4 is the worst tearing all the way to the rectum.)  I also received some lovely hemorrhoids. Amazingly I wasn’t that swollen. The nurses were very surprised at how well I looked after 4 hours and 30min of pushing.

After they sowed me/cleaned me up I felt much better and really held Levi. I hope no one calls CPS on me for saying this but maybe it will help someone else who felt the same way. :] I really didn’t have much attachment to Levi when he first came. It was still very surreal when he came and he just didn’t feel like my baby. I mean I could barely wrap my head around the fact that I had just had a baby. I think part of it hitting for women is being in the hospital and having so much done to them. Maybe because I’ve been in the hospital so much and had so many procedures that  could have been part of the reason it wasn’t hitting. I don’t know why. I had never felt super attached when I was pregnant either. I mean if I had a miscarriage I would have been devastated and I obviously would have felt the same if something had gone wrong in delivering him but it just took a while before I started getting the protective/ mama bear feelings. They’ve definitely come full force since I’ve had him. Don’t mess with my baby bear. :]

I guess I felt a little guilty at first because I had talked to so many women that said as soon as the doctor laid their baby on their chest it was magic. They didn’t even realize what was going on around them. I just didn’t have that when they put him on my chest. Like I said I just needed Jarom to take him until I felt better and like I could hold him.

He is the most amazing little man. He is just so special. Everything that he has gone through since he has been here he’s taken in stride. No matter the procedure (recovery after birth, bath, blood test, glucose tests, circumcision, breast feeding, sleeping, etc.) the nurses have been amazed at how well he has handled everything. He is so strong and has already made me a stronger person. I love him so much!

A little pre-pushing kiss

Here he is

Holding daddy's finger

First time I got to hold Levi... happy and in shock that they're placing MY baby on my chest. Unreal...

If you're wondering what sweet relief looks like... the next two pictures are it. My "I don't have to be rushed into an emergency c-section/ my baby is here" face of relief. 

Trying to hold back the tears so I didn't start sobbing again plus... I love Jarom's face.

Passed him off to dad.

Showing Levi to cautious grandpa. :]

Grandma with grand-baby #3.

Getting to hold my baby after I've been sown/cleaned up. SO much better. :]

36 Weeks

I cannot believe that I only have 4 weeks left. This pregnancy has not felt fast by any means but now that I only have a month to go I can't believe I've made it this far either!! :] It's so exciting.

I know this is usually the longest time for pregnancy but I think it'll will feel faster for me for two reasons...

1) I'm in San Diego every week Tues-Fri for doctors apptointments. It's hard to drive down (and be away from my hubby :[ ) but it helps break the week up and things feel like they are going a lot faster.

2) I'm actually feeling normal (well pregnancy normal.) I've come to realize that if I didn't have CF I would carry this baby fantastically (Or maybe Heavenly Father is just helping me carry a baby well so that I'll be able to handle the whole C.F side). I still am lugging around a little human being and no matter how well you handle pregnancy there are just certain side effects you're going to have no matter what that aren't fun.

I'm a little hesitant to say I'm feeling normal again because every time I do something pops up but I think over all I'm past the worst (knock on wood!) Last Saturday I had another weird "pleurisy" bought (where the lining/tissue of my lungs become inflamed). I put pleurisy in quotations because I'm not totally sure it's what it was because the pain was shooting into my abdomen. It came on very suddenly and was extremely painful and because it was all over my stomach (and I mean ALL over) I was worried something was wrong with the baby. I waited for about 30 min until I just sat holding onto the couch shaking and crying from the sharp pains that were all over my torso area. I could hardly breathe and I kept trying to relax but every time I let go of my stomach muscles the pain became 100 times worse. It "calmed down" for about 5 min which gave me just enough time to hop in the car and head over to labor and delivery. I got there, they monitored the baby and everything looked fine and the pain started subsiding. So after a while we left and it got worse again when we were driving home but at this point I just wanted to be home. The baby looked good so I knew the abdomen pain was just some weird coincidence and the ER can't really do anything for pleurisy anyway except give you pain killers (which I had at home) so I wasn't going to pay to go back in so they could run tons of tests with no answers. I popped a vicodin, ate some food, and have been fine ever since.

This one may be a little bit of a TMI so just skip this paragraph if you want. Monday I had some bad constipation. Everything was backing up and I was have some sharp pains from that as well which was causing some pretty intense nausea. Constipation is common with CF patients and with pregnancy so it's only normal that with these 2 things combined this is something I'd really struggle with. Usually when I'm not pregnant I'd jump straight to mineral oil but that's not good for pregnancy so I was trying Colace but that was a joke (that stuff is for people who don't have bowl issues and are a little backed up... pitiful.) Luckily after Monday the pain went away but I'm still dealing with it. Things are getting a little better but I'm starting Miralax so hopefully that will make everything "normal" again. :]

The last little bit is I've had some super intense itching.... everywhere!!! Toes, feet, heels, ankles, calves, thighs, stomach, chest, back, shoulders, arms, elbows, wrists, hands, fingers, neck, chin, jawline, nose, face, eyes, forehead, head, etc. I'm not joking! It doesn't all itch at once but multiple parts of my body will itch (right now my left ankle, right calf, left cheek, chin, and head are) and if I unintentionally start scratching then the race to see how many body parts can itch at once begins and I have to suffer through and get my mind off it until it passes. I know your  belly itching is common so I just figured this was also. Well the nurse had noticed that I'd been scratching at my appt. yesterday and told me I needed to talk to the doctor about it. Apparently intense itching like this during pregnancy is signs of liver problems. I know that sounds bad and honestly I can't remember what he was saying it could be (and I'm kicking myself for not writing it down) but I remember I wasn't concerned and whatever it was would be found out with a blood test and is very treatable. I also know that it isn't horrible for the mom but can be bad for baby but like I said, is very treatable and he wasn't worried.

Have I mentioned how excited I am I only have 4 weeks left?! :] And it really is only four because my OB wont let me go past my due date. I'm really hoping I'll go into labor and not need to be induced but we'll see.

The life I've always dreamed of.

I noticed in the past few years that pregnant women complain a lot on facebook. I understood the fact that pregnancy was not fun (for most women) but it was also hard for me. I wanted to have a baby so badly and it was hard to see women posting status updates of how miserable they were when all I wanted was to be in their postion. I felt like they were so lucky.

Now I am pregnant (with 4 weeks left) and I've come to realize how easy it is to get sucked into complaining when you feel miserable 24/7. I mean there's a cute little parasite in your body sucking the life out of you. No matter how cute they may be it doesn't feel good.  I try to make my status updates funny but let's admit it, I'm just complaining through some jokes. I've become the person I never wanted to be because I know there must be a woman out there reading my status updates who felt like I did.

I do feel so lucky to have this opportunity to experience pregnancy and be a mom. Some days I'm so terrified thinking about the fact that there is a human that is about to be dependent on me to keep them alive physically and spiritually (man...  no pressure :/) but this is what I've wanted my entire life. Ever since I was a little girl people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and mom was always the number one answer.

There really must be something so magical about being a parent because what other profession would people want that gets no pay, no vacation/sick days, sleepless nights, training 24/7, your flaws are constantly thrown in your face as your child starts mimicking your worst habits, it takes 10x longer to do anything or go anywhere (even the simplest tasks are simple no more). Most days you're dealing with whiny, obstinate, trying-to-push-the-limits-to-see-what-they-can-get-away-with-attitudes while you try to discipline and stay as patent as possible yet show how much you love them. After all this (plus much more) women keep having kids. Logically it doesn't make sense. Although I haven't dealt with any of this as a mom I do have two nephews and I feel the magic of being a parent through them. Even with all the bad things I just mentioned nothing can be better then the love, cuteness, and adoration that you feel for these hard headed little people. :] They do one cute thing and tell you they love you and it's better then the pay that you would be making from a career and I can't wait for my turn!

So even though this pregnancy has been tough and it's been easy to complain I'm so happy. Life is wonderful. I mean really how can I complain when I'm living the life I've always dreamed of? I'm so grateful for everything I've been given and I can't wait to meet this life sucking parasite :] because I know, like every other women, that once he's here I'll look into his beautiful little face, then look at my amazing husband, realize that we just created and had a baby that's ours forever, and forget all the bad/hard things I went through and would immediately do it all over again (and probably will.) <3 p="p">

Not to complain but... I'm going to complain

Why am I going to complain? Because I'm in pain and very sleepy. I should probably wait to do this post when it's not 3 am but to late. And it probably seems very ironic that I'm doing this post right after I talk about being stronger but like I said, I still have bad days.

Wow pregnancy is nothing what I expected and everything I expected. I'd heard about the heartburn, needing to pee all the time, constant uncomfort/lack of sleep, muscle cramps, back pain,  etc. Let's just say so far on the pregnancy front, nothing has really surprised me.

On the other hand when it comes to being pregnant with CF, that is another story. Of course it's not all CF, part of it is that I've been lucky enough to catch 2 illnesses since I've been pregnant. Who would have thought!! Although just a blurb; I used to get sick a lot as a kid (when I was getting a flu shot every year.) Then when I got married I decided to stop getting flu shots and I really haven't been sick since (an occasional cold.) Well my doctors pressured me into getting a flu shot this year when I became pregnant and I have had 2 of the worst illnesses since who knows when. Coincidence... maybe?! I'll let you be the judge. I don't want  to offend anyone who is pro flu shot but I have my personal ideas. :]

Anyway in my last blog I posted that I had become very sick and received a PICC line. Things were getting better but I would have days when I would feel a set back so we (me and my doctors) decided to go with a 3rd week of antibiotics. Things were going fine until Friday morning at 5am when I woke up with some intense nausea. Finally at 6am I puked everywhere. The throwing up/nausea lasted for 21 hours until I finally went into labor and delivery at 1am to get some fluids and have the baby monitored.  They got me some nausea medication around 2am (right as I was about to go for my 9th round of throwing up) and then started the fluids. It was heaven. I finally got some sleep and my sweet husband arrived at the hospital at 3am (he started driving down from Rancho at 1am since I was in SD with my family when all of this took place.)

We left the hospital at noon the next day and after some recovery time drove back home late Monday night. I've been feeling a lot better until about 3 hours ago. I started having some intense pain in my lungs and I'm coughing up a ton of thick sticky mucus. What?! It's like how it was before I even started the I.V's. My lungs are on fire. It hurts just to breathe. It feels a lot like pleurisy (where the lining of the lungs become inflamed and it hurts to breathe or cough) and I have a feeling my doctor will say that's pretty much what it is, caused from all the intense throwing up I did. I just don't understand why the pain has to come in the middle of the night. Has that ever made since to anyone that the middle of the night always seems to be with worst when you're the sleepiest and then you just want to cry because you're so tired and in pain?

Now I'm sitting in our recliner in the living room writing this while Jarom sleeps. I finally came out because he has to leave to visit seminary classes and I knew I was keeping him awake with all my coughing not to mention I need something to keep my mind off everything. What a better way to keep your mind off something then write all about it? :]

Oh my. Not that things will be "easier" when the baby comes but do I want him here. I feel like all my sicknesses have been worse with him inside (like being super nauseated and having him kick me and moving everywhere or not feeling like I can breathe without pain and feeling him push up against my lungs.) Of course when he's here I'll just worry about getting him sick so I guess it's a toss up.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

Well I've come to realize how true that statement really is. Being pregnant has really proven that to me. I knew there would be certain things I would need to go through to have this baby but it really wasn't until I became pregnant that I wasn't sure I wanted to go through "those things" anymore. It was a little late by then. :] As time has gone on and more has been added to my routine I really have become stronger. Just like in the Book of Mormon the Lord hasn't taken away my burdens but I feel them getting lighter.

Mosiah 24:14 "And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions."

Like I said as the pregnancy has gone on my doctors have slowly added more and more to my routine. I knew going into it that I would need to monitor my blood sugars. Then I heard I had to do it 4 times a day. Hmmm didn't like that at all (I'm not a big fan of needles no matter how small!) I hoped that they would be nice, normal, and steady so I wouldn't need to keep checking them. Not so much. Eventually I've become used to it.

I knew it was a possibility I'd need to be on insulin but I was really hoping that I'd be the miraculous CF patient who's blood sugars remained stable. No, not at all. In fact, they just keep climbing and climbing. Every time I go into the doctor they up my insulin intake. When I was first put on insulin I went through a mini (alright a little bit bigger then a mini) breakdown. It's a hard adjustment getting up the courage to stick yourself every time you eat and find the right way to poke yourself (the faster the better by they way.) When I was little I remember watching my grandma poke herself before we would eat and I would think "I'm so glad I have C.F and not Diabetes. I'd rather take meds and do treatments then give myself a shot every time I eat." Then I found out when I was about 15 that there's something called CFRD (Cystic Fibrosis Related Diabetes.) So it's actually extremely common for CF patients to have diabetes and it is rare that a CF pregnant women can escape it. Oh the wonderful things you learn about yourself as you get older.

That colorful medicine container is actually a 2 week med regimen for me. Everything else is just a little of what I do every day. 

After I was becoming accustomed to being on insulin I got very sick. Although the sickness went away in a couple weeks my lungs continued to get worse and worse. I wasn't sure how much was normal (the baby is getting bigger and it's hard to breath) and how much was not normal (I can't get over this sickness and I can't breathe.) I know I cough all the time but it has been far worse. It keeps me up at night, which is not normal. I've had way more sputum production and it has been getting much harder to breathe. Although having it be harder to breathe when you're pregnant is normal (especially for someone with already compromised lungs), what wasn't normal was the extent I was feeling it. It's hard for me to lay on my back with the pregnancy but I could feel my lungs collapse being on my side. Many nights I would just walk around our house and sit up for hours coughing my lungs up and trying to take deep breathes to get more air in my lungs. 

Just this past Wednesday I talked to my doctor and it was decided I needed extra therapy. Drum roll to getting a PICC line. 

I had very mixed feelings about this. Obviously I want to get better (10 more weeks of feeling the way I've been feeling might actually kill me :]) and I NEED to get better because I don't want this baby to get here and then end up in the hospital for weeks. I need to be at my prime when this baby comes.

Downside... I have a PICC line and it's not good for the baby. One of the medications I'm on isn't really baby safe. It's supposed to be safer as the pregnancy goes on and many women have been on it and their children haven't had side effects but the main side effect is that it can cause deafness. This concerns me but my doctors have said that the benefits of me getting healthy to have this baby far outweigh the possible side effects of our baby being deaf. I've just been trying to have a lot of faith that if our baby isn't suppose to be deaf he wont be and if he is he will be. I never have blamed my parents for having CF because I know I need to have it in this life. Although having a genetic defect that you can't control and don't even know about does feel different then purposely putting myself on I.V's. But if I think about this too much I'll go mad playing the blame game so I just have to trust myself and the doctors that this is the best decision and the Lord is in control.

I'm on one medication at 6am, 2pm, and 10pm and another one at 9pm. They take an hour each (on a good day.) So far the two side effects is that I'm super itchy and fatigued! I think both will go away soon. I think the fatigue is coming more from my body healing then the actual antibiotic (not to mention the fact that I'm only getting about 3 hours of sleep a night with the adjustments.) Pretty much my entire body is itchy (especially my torso area) but I'm hoping this will go away soon as well, as my body adjusts to the new meds.

Although going through all of this has been a hard adjustment and I still have tough days I feel good that I've been able to overcome so many fears. This has been a good prep course for possibly being on insulin continually in the future. Since I've had this time to face fears and become stronger, I know when knew fears approach in the future that the Lord will be with me then too and I'll be able to conquer whatever comes my way. Just like in Mosiah 24:14 I can stand as a witness that God "does surly visit His people in their afflictions."

The biggest blessing through all of this is having this amazing guy by my side (talk about a blessing to ease the burden upon my back)...

(Oldie but goodie)

I know pregnancy is hard for the woman but if it's harder for anyone else it'd be the husband. Jarom couldn't be any more amazing. I would never be able to go through something like this without him and his strength. He makes me dinner or goes out and gets whatever I may be craving. He helps clean, brings me my treatments, and the other day even offered to give me my insulin (although that is not happening yet. :]) Ever since I've been on these antibiotics he has been scratching my back endlessly. Because of my coughing and constant movement in trying to get comfortable in bed he pretty much gets as much sleep as I do but as soon as I'm falling back asleep he is leaving for a day at work. He constantly says little things that make me feel better and beautiful. Above all he never complains about anything and he makes the hardest situations fun. I couldn't have asked for a better husband to help me through this time.

Baby Shower

Sometimes I can't believe I'm having a baby. So it was with the baby shower. It seemed a little surreal that everyone was coming to help me get ready to be a mom. What? I'm going to be a mom? Just a little weird and completely wonderful. Luckily I have an AMAZING sister to help me celebrate. Lahren you were incredible!!! I can't believe everything you did. Every decoration was hand made from an idea that came off pinterest (literally nothing came store bought! Just keep that in mind when you're looking at all the pictures.) I know the hours you (and friends) spent getting all of this together and it was a hit! You are so amazing. Thank you to you and everyone else (especially those who contributed money to create this special event... you know who you are) to make this such a memorable day for me! I love you all! I know I have a ton of pictures but I couldn't leave any of them out. In fact there are more that I don't have yet. Lahren also set up a photo booth were guests could come and take pictures with cut out mustaches, bow ties, and top hats. I have yet to see those but I'm sure they'll be added soon.  And in case you didn't know... the theme was "Tayler's Little Man" hence the mustaches and bow ties. :]

How adorable is the mustache and bow tie confetti?! Along with diaper cake and cupcakes. 

Even the chocolate covered strawberries matched the brown, blue, and green theme. :]

Lahren, family, and friends... you are amazing! Thank you so much! I love you all!

28 Weeks

So Friday I had my 28 week appt. I had another big ultrasound so they could get a good measurement of how big the baby is and make sure everything looks good. Not only does everything look good, but they say I'm the healthiest C.F pregnant patient they've ever seen and that so far I win the award for biggest baby growing in a mom with CF.

Our little big guy is measuring 10 days ahead of schedule at 3.7(?) lbs. I thought I heard 3.7 but this would be bigger then 10 days so it's probably in the low 3's. At first I was concerned at this weight gain because babies get bigger when the mom has gestational diabetes and him being so big could be a sign that he's not handling the sugar very well but they said if that was the case his stomach would be bigger then the rest of his body and everything was equally proportioned. *sigh of relief* 

So now you may be thinking that this growth spurt is coming from his 6'4 dad but that is debatable. Big babies come from my side of the family not Jarom's. I was the biggest of my moms kids at 10.10. Yes that is correct, while Lahren and Dallen were both in the 9lb range. Lahren (my sister's) boys were 10.4 and 11lbs. Jarom's genes may help this big baby situation but it's more probable that Jarom would contribute to height genes and I'm giving this baby the weight genes.

So far everything looks really good and now I'm just hoping this baby doesn't get to big so I wont have to be induced. :/ Time for him to slow way down!

While we there the ultrasound tech was taking a gazzilion pics for us when all of sudden she asked "would you like a 3D?" Yes, of course! I wasn't going to spend the extra money for one (and hopefully they wont bill us) but it sounded like this is something my hospital does. :] I probably should have asked but I was too excited.


That's his hand trying to cover his face (go figure) or flex (as Jarom would say.) :] So far it looks like he has my nose and Jaroms lips.

28 weeks and a little blurry. 

We're so excited to meet this little man!

24 and 26 Weeks

I realized I haven't taken that many pregnancy pictures. Before I got pregnant I was always thinking about when I would take pictures. I was planning on about every 4 weeks until I actually got pregnant and realized that I can't time taking pictures... I only take them on the days I get ready. :] So I've pretty much only been presentable 4 days since I've been pregnant. Well just kidding... kind of. Haha I just feel badly for everyone who's had to look at me all the other days I've been out running errands when I haven't been presentable.

In fact a few weeks ago Jarom and I ran to Walmart to get some stuff and I was talking about how every Walmart has that trashy feeling but ours feels really trashy. It's not even somewhere I like going alone. He just looked at me and said "Babe... you pretty much fit it in right now." At first I laughed until I realized how right he was! It was a very sad and true realization and I saw that I had no make up, my hair was in a messy bun (and not cute messy) and I was wearing one of my cleaning shirts that had bleach stains on it. :/ Depressing!

Well anyway here's my 24 week and 26 week pictures.

This is a horrible picture because of the back lighting. It makes me look so dark and my eyes look like they have big dark rings around them. I wasn't going to post it but it is my only pic at 24 weeks and the important part is my belly bump right?.

Here's 26 weeks. A much better picture and I'm so happy to be entering my last trimester. Well I'm thinking of it as my last. Some women say 28 weeks but mentally... I feel better saying I'm in my last trimester. :] Most days the pregnancy has felt so slow but I really can't believe I'm going to be a mom in 14 weeks. That is just a wonderful and terrifying feeling. I'm so excited but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed just trying to keep myself healthy and alive and now I have someone else to look out for. It's going to be a big job but I'm so excited and of course, it helps to be married to such an amazing man who I know I can always count on!

A little more about me...

Pregnancy has got to be the only time in life where it is acceptable to talk about yourself all the time and have everything revolve around you. :] Haha but I try not to annoy to many people. Actually Jarom asked me if I was documenting this pregnancy and all the fun (and weird/hard) things happening to me. I kind of have but I thought I'd share my feelings so far and things I love and don't love about it.

So far pregnancy is ok. I can't say I'm one of those people who love being pregnant. I was really hoping I would get lucky and be one. I know part of this is partially attitude but I have friends who love being pregnant because they actually feel better when they're pregnant. This is not me!


 I do love feeling this little boy (although who knows how long that will last as he gets bigger and crushes my already declined lungs.) I love the opportunity that I've had to experience pregnancy. It really is an incredible experience and although it isn't all fun and games, it's something that I feel truly blessed to be able to discover. Although no one ever said that I wouldn't be able to have children, I knew it was possibility that I may not or that it would be difficult. During the past 2+ years I was afraid that I may not even be able to try and become pregnant with all the health issues I was experiencing. Now I am, and on the hard days I just remember that time and I feel truly blessed.

So far I love that this little guy is improving my health. I've gained 7.5 pounds. :] YAY! I'm the fattest I've every been in my life at 137.5. Not that I want to be this big after I have the baby (I'm perfectly content being around 130) but my doctors were hopeful that I'd just gain at least 15lbs through the entire pregnancy. Looks like I'll hit that mark easy and that makes Dr. Ramos very happy which makes me very happy!

My lung function is also the highest it's been in 3 years at 2.6 liters or 77%. This was surprising since, obviously, as the baby gets bigger my lung capacity should shrink. This should still happen as time goes on but so far things are good.

I also love how it's changing me physically when it comes to taking care of myself. Even though the diet change is hard I have cut so much junk food out of my diet that  I probably never would have in the first place. Before I could down sugar, now I can only have a little bit and even then it can be unsatisfying. I'm also drinking more water. I can't say exercise has changed so much but maybe over time? I consider taking my children to the park and playing with them a form of exercise. :] I just feel overall I'm taking better care of myself.

I'm also trying to establish habits now that I want to have after the baby is here. Something I've really been working on is having a clean house. I want to have a nice clean/organized house after the baby is here so I'm trying to find ways to clean fast and efficiently! (I have some great friends giving me great tips. Money saving tips also!)

The downside of pregnancy so far:

- Heartburn (occasionally keeping me up at night)
- Back pain (a lot of the time. The pain comes in the middle of the night or morning and then just discomfort during the day and I'm only 21 weeks.)
-Sore tailbone (not that this is something that pregnancy causes but I sit so much my tailbone is sore a lot. I really need to get up and move around more but I'm just so tired with this heat that sitting down feels so good! It also has a lot to do with all my driving down to S.D for my doctors appt.)
- Peeing all day (obviously but just within the past week I think this baby is sitting on my bladder. Last night I went to the bathroom, relieved myself, got off the toilet and literally 2 min later I felt like I needed to go again. I thought it might just be a little bit but back to the toilet I went and had a completely full bladder. Crazy) 
- Some constipation (sorry probably TMI)
- Sore Tummy (yes those ligaments are being pulled! When I rub my stomach it's the equivalent as if I just did 100 sit ups and my belly button is more sore when touched.)
- Awkward showing (I'm still in the weird stage. Half of people say I don't look pregnant at all and the other half say they can totally tell I'm pregnant. It really depends on what I'm wearing and what time of day it is. I was really hoping I'd get this cute little belly popping out but what appears to be happening is  the baby is just pushing everything up, so I just look like I have a pot belly. It's making me feel blah. Not that I feel fat, per se, I just feel wide and  kind of unattractive since I have no clothes that fit. I even tried on some preggo clothes and those DID make me look fat.)
-Popped out Belly Button (you can't really see it yet but man am I gonna have one popped out/ huge belly button by the end of the pregnancy. Not that I mind seeing it on other women but I don't really like how it looks [no offense if your belly button pops out] and mine will!)
-Poor sleeping habits (getting pregnant during the summer was just plain dumb. :] Not that I would have waited anyway but it is so hot. I don't handle heat well anyway so I love staying up at night... late at night. I've been going to bed around 12-1am. My back hurts less, I'm not as hot, the baby kicks like crazy, and it's my favorite time! It's really hard to try to convince myself to go to bed when I know I'm going to wake up in a few hours needing to pee and in back pain tossing around, pulling stomach muscles, and trying to find a better position. Part of me doesn't care since I know whatever schedule I had is going to be messed up anyway when the baby gets here but I also know that I need be on a better schedule. I mean if I start off on a good schedule when the baby comes (even if it gets messed up) I know it will be better for everyone if I have better sleeping habits to begin with. Plus it's a commandment so you can't argue with that.)
-Insulin (I'm starting insulin soon. I tried it once and it was a little really intimidating but ultimately I couldn't feel the needle go in my stomach at all. It's just another thing to worry about and I'm afraid that in doing it all the time my stomach could become bruised and then that would hurt. Hopefully not.) 
-Lack of muscles (I'm not really sure what I can blame this on but it's not even stomach muscles; It's leg muscles. Yesterday I was holding a couple items that I thought were a little heavy [which means they weren't] and I dropped my keys. I bent down to get them and could barely use my leg muscles to get myself back up. I was so sad I wanted to cry! I'm such a weakling!)
- Very Extremely sore bust (I don't feel the need to go into details on this one. If you've been pregnant you know where I'm coming from. If not then you don't need to. If you want to know, ask me later or someone else.)

Showing?

Thought I would finally do a pregnancy update... since I'm almost half way (19 weeks on Friday). I guess I just haven't felt like I had much to say until recently and then when "recently" finally came I got SUPER busy.

I guess we'll start with pictures. This is the second pregnancy picture I've taken. Pretty much because I haven't felt like I was showing at all. I concede (and am excited) that I finally am but it's been an interesting experince. I guess in my head I'd figured I'd either be showing or not showing but there's this weird in-between, stuffed with food, CF stage that I really wasn't expecting so it's been hard to know how much was baby and how much was lack of stomach muscles. I'll show you what I mean.

This is real me. Yes I do have a little belly.                 This is fake me.  

You see fake me is what I look like at the end of the day when I can't hold in my stomach muscles anymore and I'm full of food. I mostly look like fake me all the time (because I really don't have any strength or muscles anymore) so everyone thinks I have a belly but... it's debatable. This is why...

Me at 7 weeks.                                                Fake at 7 weeks. See I've always been able to push it out. 

And just to prove it. These were taken months before I was ever pregnant. 

 I think it has something to do with my CF but I've always been able to push out a lot and trained my muscles to hold it in, without me even having to think about it. Now I'm too tired to hold it in.

So yes I have a belly but I tend to "show" a lot more then I  am. :] It's funny looking at the 7 week pictures and 11 week because it looks like I've gained a lot of weight in that time frame and I haven't (and I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better.) Really I haven't gained one pound because if I had I would have shouted it from the rooftops. Instead my doctors are shouting at me! Even the other day my dad said "you are looking a little round... in the face." Ha thanks dad but the only place I want to be looking round is my belly!! My thighs have gotten bigger also! I've always been thin but never really toned and man is it showing. Haha I'm so jiggly and I have all these dimples in my thighs now. I can't say I'm thrilled about it but oh well. I'd be more thrilled if I was actually putting on pounds! It's weird how the weight is shifting but I don't know where it's shifting from. I can still squeeze into my regular clothes but barely (they're really uncomfortable. I basically wear P.J's all day!) and I don't want to buy maternity clothes for a little while. 1, we really could use a few weeks financially and 2, I only want to have to shop once (if that's even possible.) So I'm waiting as long as I possibly can (although I may have to sneak out and buy a pair of pants.)

Other then that I haven't felt to much of a change and no weird pregnancy things happening. I don't have any crazy cravings but things that I loved eating before I LOVE eating now!! There's also little things happening but I'm not sure I can blame it on being pregnant.

I forget things super easily but I've always been that way. Jarom and I were driving 2 days ago and I was holding sauce for his chicken that he was eating. I remember him taking it from me and telling me he wanted to hold it, the next thing I knew it was back in my hand and I had no recollection of how it got there. He said I reached over and took it back from him but I don't know. :] I'd like to blame the "pregnancy brain" but really, this is something that probably would have happened before.

Just in the past few weeks (I guess since I've reached my second trimester) I don't handle being overwhelmed very well. I can only handle a few things at a time before I just want to sit down and burst into tears (moving was interesting.)

Like I said pretty much anything I craved or anything that was hard or weird about me before I was pregnant is pretty much the same... just times 10. :]

Oh P.S. I finally realized why women have their hand on their back like that. Because there's no where else to put it when you're taking a side shot. :]