Life keeps moving...

I just did a big Levi update but here are some other things going on.

1) I'm still in school and loving it! I mean I don't always want to sit down and do homework (like right now) but I feel so good about myself and it seems the spirit is constantly giving me feelings of encouragement that this is exactly what I'm suppose to be doing. It's been hard to change my attitude a little and understand that what used to be my relaxation/TV time is now homework time. I've tried to change my thinking that homework is great "me" time because I'm putting time into making myself a better person which is way better then watching TV. I still find time to slip in a show every now and then. :]

2) I feel healthier than I've ever been. Which is funny because according to numbers, I'm not. My lung function is down (70%) and my weight is way down (117lbs). But I'm eating so much healthier, drinking 75oz a water a day, and exercising regularly. I think exercising and cutting out so much junk food (plus chasing Levi around) is making it hard for me to keep the weight on. I feel more energized and I'm on a much healthier schedule. 10pm is bedtime and I'm up with Levi around 7:30-8. I still need a good 8-9 hours of sleep a night but I don't feel sick all the time like I used to. Before I had Levi I couldn't even wake up before 9-10am without feeling like I was going to die. I feel amazing and it's incredible how much more the spirit can be with you and influence you when you have a clean healthy temple! Even with my low numbers I feel great about where I am right now.

Having a baby really helps motivate you to change physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally because you want to be the best person you can be for them. I can't believe how much I've changed in the last 5 years let along the last 16 months. It's incredible and I feel great.

3) We are moving!! Yep we're headed back to SD. Jarom got transferred because the new hire lives up here and a spot at San Marcos is opening up. It's a lot cheaper to transfer us instead of him and we feel really good about it. There was a lot that happened that led us to this point. Basically last year we had to pay a double mortgage for about 4 months because our renters kept leaving for various reasons. :/ We did not know what to do and the debt was pilling up. We thought we were good at finances before. We're great now. :] We cut back more then we ever thought we could (like becoming a one car family) and started applying some good skills. Even with all our work we were accumulating debt like crazy. We prayed a lot to know what to do. Find renters, sell, etc. Finally we talk to Jarom's boss here in southern California about what was going on and moving back. He didn't say much or seem to think much about it but as soon as we told him we were willing to move we found renters that week that were solid! Then when they found out the new hire lived in Fontana they talked to us again and put in an official transfer order. We really feel that we were suppose to talk to Scott (Jaroms boss) about moving back that first time because if we hadn't, they probably wouldn't have approached us about moving at all not knowing what was going on or how we really felt about leaving Rancho.

We'll move around the 1st of June. There's many pros and cons but like I said we feel good about it and now that we know we're moving down we just want to get down there already. We're happy to be back in a place that we own and have some more freedoms with plus it's a 2 bedroom and is even cheaper then the 1 bedroom apartment we're in right now!

I guess that's about it. Right now I'm going through all of our stuff and figuring out what's going with us and what's going to D.I. (church donations). I've also made drawings of our entire apartment and know exactly how I want it decorated and organized! :] Talk about something that relaxes me. Seriously! Nothing like turning on a good show and thinking about how everything we have here will fit there and making it look good and be efficient. Really... it makes me giddy. I love organizing! I have a million things pinned on pinterest that I want to do. We'll just have to go little by little and I'll definitely be posting some before and afters! :] Jarom is doing awesome with institute and his calling. He's an amazing hard worker and does a really good job at balancing calling, work, and home life which is really tricky. Him going to San Marcos will be a hard change for me. I'm so used to being close to the institute here and having him pop home during the afternoon before an evening class and it will be an adjustment having him so far and unreachable. :[ San Marcos is about 40 min away from our condo without traffic but unfortunately, he'll be right in the flow of rush hour traffic making it that much longer. We're thinking about getting an energy efficient car so he can ride in the car pool lanes but I guess you'll find out about that later too. :]

The point is Jarom is amazing, Levi is amazing, and we're all doing great. Life is really good right now and we are very blessed!

Crunchy Mom?

So I'd never heard this term until recently and when I first did I didn't even know what it meant. So I googled it. Of course I can't find the blog that I looked up now but it had a list of things that might make you a "crunchy mom." I don't want to offend all the true crunchy moms out there so I'll say I'm semi-crucnhy. :] I also just want to put a disclaimer out there that I don't think you're a bad parent if you don't do these things. I've just done the research and discovered what I think it best for me and Levi and these things fall under that catagory. That doesn't mean I think everyone needs to do them. You know yourself and your child better then anyone.

Anyway this women had a list of items on her blog that would categorize you as a crunchy parent and honestly, most of the things I have done stemmed from wanting to save money. The other things I've decided to do come from the fact that I want to be healthier and I want to start Levi being healthier also. These are the ones I've decided to do or done:

-Using non-toxic cleaning products. This falls under saving money and being healthier (but mostly saving money.) To clean the house I use vinegar and baking soda and it has saved us a TON of money in the past few months. I use them for everything and I love that I can clean the kitchen counters and spray the fruits and veggies and I don't have to worry about getting cleaning products on them. I also have a safe laundry detergent that I use for all the laundry (including Levi's) which costs about $15 to make for a YEAR'S worth of detergent. I love it, plus who wants to buy that ridiculously expensive baby detergent?!

- I'm breastfeeding.  At least for the first year which has been a little tough on my health but we're managing and I'm so glad that I can do it for Levi. I feel blessed that I'm able to and I'm so sorry for all you women out there who can't and I definitely don't think it makes you a bad parent if you don't or if you don't like it. I was a formula baby for health reasons and I turned out ok... I think. :]

- Not using rice cereal. I'm not sure using not using rice cereal is part of the "crunchy parent" persona but I was doing research on it and I don't see the need to give it to Levi. The more research I did the more I realized rice cereal is pretty much straight sugar (which makes sense.) It can have good effects but none of the good things that come from giving your babies rice cereal effect Levi so why give it to him?.

-Making my own baby food. Jarom and I got a Ninja for Christmas. I can't believe how much baby food costs! Ridiculous! I decided to make my own which will also be healthier to keep out all that extra processed sugar. I haven't started doing it yet as Levi is still to little but I hope I'll be able to stick with it. :] This also doesn't mean Levi will never have fast food or dessert. I just believe in moderation.

-No Vaccines. It's not that I think all vaccines are bad and I think many of them are beneficial but I don't trust these companies who are pumping them out and I don't feel good about giving my baby a ton of medicine all at once. If there were just a few vaccines I wouldn't mind but it is ridiculous how many vaccines are recommended AND how much money they make off of them. Don't get me wrong I LOVE modern medicine. It's the only reason I'm still alive and able to have children. But because I've been on it my entire life I also know how harmful it can be for us. I mean there is no medicine out there that doesn't have a warning label a mile long and just because we may not receive any of the symptoms when we take those medications, that doesn't mean it's still not affecting out bodies in a negative way. Some of the meds I'm on are actually killing me, they're just killing me slower then the CF. So yes I love modern medicine but I believe if you can do things holistically you should and I don't see the need for ALL those vaccinines. But again I completely understand if you do those things and I'm not trying to say you're a bad parent if you do. I was scared to make the decision to not vaccinate Levi. There are pro's and con's to both sides of the spectrum but for myself and Levi, I personally feel there are more cons.

-Cloth diapers. I haven't totally decided on this one and it really is just to save money. I mean helping the earth is great but it's not really my number one priority. I just haven't decided if it would be cheaper or not. I think the route I'd want to take would be the disposable inserts and I don't feel like those would save you much money.

Anyway like I said I'm not a full on crunchy parent or even a half crunchy parent. Maybe a quarter crunchy. :] But I think that those who are, are great and those who are not, are also great! :] Whatever works best for you, your baby, and your family is what you need to do!

Things that make me a non crunchy parent:

- I didn't have a natural birth although I'd still love to do one. I had an epidural and as nice as it is to not feel pain, it wasn't a great experience either. I'd still love to try doing one if we ever have #2. I just need to come in more prepared and now that I know what my body does and what I need to do to get through the pain (even when nurses are telling me not to do those things) I'm hoping I'll be able to.

- We circumcised Levi. I didn't do to much research on this and really left it up to Jarom since he is a guy. I don't know if I'd want to be circumcised. I mean on the pain scale I'd think no but Jarom said he is really glad that he was so we did.

- I didn't co-sleep or even have him in our room for more then a week. I just couldn't do it. I need my own room and I need sleep and that wasn't happening with Levi in the room. I would also do this again with #2 as Levi is a great sleeper. Not that doing what we did made him a great sleeper but it may have helped.

- I eat non-oragnic foods. Mainly because non-organic foods are cheaper. I just wash them really well. :]

- I let Levi watch TV. It's not that I put him in front of his own TV shows but if I have a show on and he's really fussy, yes I let him watch it. But really Levi just isn't that fussy. I normally play and talk to him. I've done this maybe 3 times in the last 2 months. It usually happens when he wakes up and wants to eat but he hasn't made it to 3 hours. When I let him eat earlier then 3 hours his entire schedule gets thrown off and before I know it I'm feeding every hour!! Don't worry I don't starve him. If I can't console him I do feed him.

A New Year Once Again

Yes it's 2013 and like many other people I'm already feeling overwhelmed with all the New Years resolutions that are coming to my mind. I love making resolutions and try to all year long but there is something about starting the new year that seems so fresh and exciting.

I usually make to many resolutions and end up keeping none of them. Ha I'm not sure I even remember what I wanted to changed in 2012 (I could probably find it on my blog somewhere). Although 2012 was an amazing year. I mean I had a baby (a very cute baby :])! Can't get more amazing then that!!

So this year I have my list of resolutions and although I''m trying not to go crazy it's really hard for me to narrow it down. These are my favorites:

1) Cooking dinner. Sometimes people ask me what Jarom and I have for dinner and most of the time I have no idea what to say. I feel like we don't eat out to much but we probably eat out way more then I realize. I also know I'm not cooking all the time but we are satisfied so, we know dinner is coming from somewhere. I really want to have family dinner with Levi; Healthy, well balanced meals that will help in his growing development and with my health also (Jarom could use some good food as well.) So my new years resolution is to make one new meal a week. I figure that's a good start. Then by the end of the year I should have about 52 new recipes (if I like them all) that I can choose from to feed my family and hopefully be more comfortable in the kitchen. :] Maybe I'll even enjoy cooking and being in the kitchen by 2014.

2) Exercise. I feel like I have learned so much about my health with CF and health in general in the past year and I've never been so motivated to change my lifestyle. Along with trying to eat healthier I also want to exercise 2x a week. Being in an apartment complex we have a gym a few steps from the front door. Time to build up some stamina and muscle to make myself healthy enough so I can live to see my little boy grow up. I want to do more but I don't want to burn myself out so we're starting with 2x a week. :]

3) Blogging and/or iPhoto journal. These are my two journaling sources and I need to journal more. I figure if I know I want to blog at least once a week then I'll look for things I want to blog about in that week. Last night Jarom and I were sitting in the parking lot of the South Point hotel in Vegas on our way home from Utah (I know a little random) so I could feed Levi and let him stretch for a little bit. A Colbie Cailliat song was on (You Got Me) which seemed to say so perfectly how I was feeling for both of them.  I was sitting there staring at my husband and son, so in love with them wishing I could freeze this moment and relive it again in the future. I realized that this blog is the best way to remember and re-live those little moments in the future. So even if it's something little like that, I want to write about it. I have a few posts that I'm waiting to do now I just haven't put the pictures from my phone onto my computer.

4) This isn't a new resolution but one that seemed to get lost in the shuffle of Christmas and vacations. It started with wanting to make my Sacrament meetings more meaningful. Every week during sacrament I want to think about one thing I need to do for the week that I can improve upon (mostly spiritual) and then reflect upon the thing from the previous week. Whether it involves being better in prayer, scripture study, reading conference talks, serving others, following the promptings of the spirit etc.

I figure thats more then enough resolutions. I hope I can keep up with them. I'm hoping since they're all things that need to happen at least once a week it will help me keep track and stay on track. Even if I can accomplish one of these things I'll feel successful. :] Happy New Year!

36 Weeks

I cannot believe that I only have 4 weeks left. This pregnancy has not felt fast by any means but now that I only have a month to go I can't believe I've made it this far either!! :] It's so exciting.

I know this is usually the longest time for pregnancy but I think it'll will feel faster for me for two reasons...

1) I'm in San Diego every week Tues-Fri for doctors apptointments. It's hard to drive down (and be away from my hubby :[ ) but it helps break the week up and things feel like they are going a lot faster.

2) I'm actually feeling normal (well pregnancy normal.) I've come to realize that if I didn't have CF I would carry this baby fantastically (Or maybe Heavenly Father is just helping me carry a baby well so that I'll be able to handle the whole C.F side). I still am lugging around a little human being and no matter how well you handle pregnancy there are just certain side effects you're going to have no matter what that aren't fun.

I'm a little hesitant to say I'm feeling normal again because every time I do something pops up but I think over all I'm past the worst (knock on wood!) Last Saturday I had another weird "pleurisy" bought (where the lining/tissue of my lungs become inflamed). I put pleurisy in quotations because I'm not totally sure it's what it was because the pain was shooting into my abdomen. It came on very suddenly and was extremely painful and because it was all over my stomach (and I mean ALL over) I was worried something was wrong with the baby. I waited for about 30 min until I just sat holding onto the couch shaking and crying from the sharp pains that were all over my torso area. I could hardly breathe and I kept trying to relax but every time I let go of my stomach muscles the pain became 100 times worse. It "calmed down" for about 5 min which gave me just enough time to hop in the car and head over to labor and delivery. I got there, they monitored the baby and everything looked fine and the pain started subsiding. So after a while we left and it got worse again when we were driving home but at this point I just wanted to be home. The baby looked good so I knew the abdomen pain was just some weird coincidence and the ER can't really do anything for pleurisy anyway except give you pain killers (which I had at home) so I wasn't going to pay to go back in so they could run tons of tests with no answers. I popped a vicodin, ate some food, and have been fine ever since.

This one may be a little bit of a TMI so just skip this paragraph if you want. Monday I had some bad constipation. Everything was backing up and I was have some sharp pains from that as well which was causing some pretty intense nausea. Constipation is common with CF patients and with pregnancy so it's only normal that with these 2 things combined this is something I'd really struggle with. Usually when I'm not pregnant I'd jump straight to mineral oil but that's not good for pregnancy so I was trying Colace but that was a joke (that stuff is for people who don't have bowl issues and are a little backed up... pitiful.) Luckily after Monday the pain went away but I'm still dealing with it. Things are getting a little better but I'm starting Miralax so hopefully that will make everything "normal" again. :]

The last little bit is I've had some super intense itching.... everywhere!!! Toes, feet, heels, ankles, calves, thighs, stomach, chest, back, shoulders, arms, elbows, wrists, hands, fingers, neck, chin, jawline, nose, face, eyes, forehead, head, etc. I'm not joking! It doesn't all itch at once but multiple parts of my body will itch (right now my left ankle, right calf, left cheek, chin, and head are) and if I unintentionally start scratching then the race to see how many body parts can itch at once begins and I have to suffer through and get my mind off it until it passes. I know your  belly itching is common so I just figured this was also. Well the nurse had noticed that I'd been scratching at my appt. yesterday and told me I needed to talk to the doctor about it. Apparently intense itching like this during pregnancy is signs of liver problems. I know that sounds bad and honestly I can't remember what he was saying it could be (and I'm kicking myself for not writing it down) but I remember I wasn't concerned and whatever it was would be found out with a blood test and is very treatable. I also know that it isn't horrible for the mom but can be bad for baby but like I said, is very treatable and he wasn't worried.

Have I mentioned how excited I am I only have 4 weeks left?! :] And it really is only four because my OB wont let me go past my due date. I'm really hoping I'll go into labor and not need to be induced but we'll see.

Not to complain but... I'm going to complain

Why am I going to complain? Because I'm in pain and very sleepy. I should probably wait to do this post when it's not 3 am but to late. And it probably seems very ironic that I'm doing this post right after I talk about being stronger but like I said, I still have bad days.

Wow pregnancy is nothing what I expected and everything I expected. I'd heard about the heartburn, needing to pee all the time, constant uncomfort/lack of sleep, muscle cramps, back pain,  etc. Let's just say so far on the pregnancy front, nothing has really surprised me.

On the other hand when it comes to being pregnant with CF, that is another story. Of course it's not all CF, part of it is that I've been lucky enough to catch 2 illnesses since I've been pregnant. Who would have thought!! Although just a blurb; I used to get sick a lot as a kid (when I was getting a flu shot every year.) Then when I got married I decided to stop getting flu shots and I really haven't been sick since (an occasional cold.) Well my doctors pressured me into getting a flu shot this year when I became pregnant and I have had 2 of the worst illnesses since who knows when. Coincidence... maybe?! I'll let you be the judge. I don't want  to offend anyone who is pro flu shot but I have my personal ideas. :]

Anyway in my last blog I posted that I had become very sick and received a PICC line. Things were getting better but I would have days when I would feel a set back so we (me and my doctors) decided to go with a 3rd week of antibiotics. Things were going fine until Friday morning at 5am when I woke up with some intense nausea. Finally at 6am I puked everywhere. The throwing up/nausea lasted for 21 hours until I finally went into labor and delivery at 1am to get some fluids and have the baby monitored.  They got me some nausea medication around 2am (right as I was about to go for my 9th round of throwing up) and then started the fluids. It was heaven. I finally got some sleep and my sweet husband arrived at the hospital at 3am (he started driving down from Rancho at 1am since I was in SD with my family when all of this took place.)

We left the hospital at noon the next day and after some recovery time drove back home late Monday night. I've been feeling a lot better until about 3 hours ago. I started having some intense pain in my lungs and I'm coughing up a ton of thick sticky mucus. What?! It's like how it was before I even started the I.V's. My lungs are on fire. It hurts just to breathe. It feels a lot like pleurisy (where the lining of the lungs become inflamed and it hurts to breathe or cough) and I have a feeling my doctor will say that's pretty much what it is, caused from all the intense throwing up I did. I just don't understand why the pain has to come in the middle of the night. Has that ever made since to anyone that the middle of the night always seems to be with worst when you're the sleepiest and then you just want to cry because you're so tired and in pain?

Now I'm sitting in our recliner in the living room writing this while Jarom sleeps. I finally came out because he has to leave to visit seminary classes and I knew I was keeping him awake with all my coughing not to mention I need something to keep my mind off everything. What a better way to keep your mind off something then write all about it? :]

Oh my. Not that things will be "easier" when the baby comes but do I want him here. I feel like all my sicknesses have been worse with him inside (like being super nauseated and having him kick me and moving everywhere or not feeling like I can breathe without pain and feeling him push up against my lungs.) Of course when he's here I'll just worry about getting him sick so I guess it's a toss up.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

Well I've come to realize how true that statement really is. Being pregnant has really proven that to me. I knew there would be certain things I would need to go through to have this baby but it really wasn't until I became pregnant that I wasn't sure I wanted to go through "those things" anymore. It was a little late by then. :] As time has gone on and more has been added to my routine I really have become stronger. Just like in the Book of Mormon the Lord hasn't taken away my burdens but I feel them getting lighter.

Mosiah 24:14 "And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions."

Like I said as the pregnancy has gone on my doctors have slowly added more and more to my routine. I knew going into it that I would need to monitor my blood sugars. Then I heard I had to do it 4 times a day. Hmmm didn't like that at all (I'm not a big fan of needles no matter how small!) I hoped that they would be nice, normal, and steady so I wouldn't need to keep checking them. Not so much. Eventually I've become used to it.

I knew it was a possibility I'd need to be on insulin but I was really hoping that I'd be the miraculous CF patient who's blood sugars remained stable. No, not at all. In fact, they just keep climbing and climbing. Every time I go into the doctor they up my insulin intake. When I was first put on insulin I went through a mini (alright a little bit bigger then a mini) breakdown. It's a hard adjustment getting up the courage to stick yourself every time you eat and find the right way to poke yourself (the faster the better by they way.) When I was little I remember watching my grandma poke herself before we would eat and I would think "I'm so glad I have C.F and not Diabetes. I'd rather take meds and do treatments then give myself a shot every time I eat." Then I found out when I was about 15 that there's something called CFRD (Cystic Fibrosis Related Diabetes.) So it's actually extremely common for CF patients to have diabetes and it is rare that a CF pregnant women can escape it. Oh the wonderful things you learn about yourself as you get older.

That colorful medicine container is actually a 2 week med regimen for me. Everything else is just a little of what I do every day. 

After I was becoming accustomed to being on insulin I got very sick. Although the sickness went away in a couple weeks my lungs continued to get worse and worse. I wasn't sure how much was normal (the baby is getting bigger and it's hard to breath) and how much was not normal (I can't get over this sickness and I can't breathe.) I know I cough all the time but it has been far worse. It keeps me up at night, which is not normal. I've had way more sputum production and it has been getting much harder to breathe. Although having it be harder to breathe when you're pregnant is normal (especially for someone with already compromised lungs), what wasn't normal was the extent I was feeling it. It's hard for me to lay on my back with the pregnancy but I could feel my lungs collapse being on my side. Many nights I would just walk around our house and sit up for hours coughing my lungs up and trying to take deep breathes to get more air in my lungs. 

Just this past Wednesday I talked to my doctor and it was decided I needed extra therapy. Drum roll to getting a PICC line. 

I had very mixed feelings about this. Obviously I want to get better (10 more weeks of feeling the way I've been feeling might actually kill me :]) and I NEED to get better because I don't want this baby to get here and then end up in the hospital for weeks. I need to be at my prime when this baby comes.

Downside... I have a PICC line and it's not good for the baby. One of the medications I'm on isn't really baby safe. It's supposed to be safer as the pregnancy goes on and many women have been on it and their children haven't had side effects but the main side effect is that it can cause deafness. This concerns me but my doctors have said that the benefits of me getting healthy to have this baby far outweigh the possible side effects of our baby being deaf. I've just been trying to have a lot of faith that if our baby isn't suppose to be deaf he wont be and if he is he will be. I never have blamed my parents for having CF because I know I need to have it in this life. Although having a genetic defect that you can't control and don't even know about does feel different then purposely putting myself on I.V's. But if I think about this too much I'll go mad playing the blame game so I just have to trust myself and the doctors that this is the best decision and the Lord is in control.

I'm on one medication at 6am, 2pm, and 10pm and another one at 9pm. They take an hour each (on a good day.) So far the two side effects is that I'm super itchy and fatigued! I think both will go away soon. I think the fatigue is coming more from my body healing then the actual antibiotic (not to mention the fact that I'm only getting about 3 hours of sleep a night with the adjustments.) Pretty much my entire body is itchy (especially my torso area) but I'm hoping this will go away soon as well, as my body adjusts to the new meds.

Although going through all of this has been a hard adjustment and I still have tough days I feel good that I've been able to overcome so many fears. This has been a good prep course for possibly being on insulin continually in the future. Since I've had this time to face fears and become stronger, I know when knew fears approach in the future that the Lord will be with me then too and I'll be able to conquer whatever comes my way. Just like in Mosiah 24:14 I can stand as a witness that God "does surly visit His people in their afflictions."

The biggest blessing through all of this is having this amazing guy by my side (talk about a blessing to ease the burden upon my back)...

(Oldie but goodie)

I know pregnancy is hard for the woman but if it's harder for anyone else it'd be the husband. Jarom couldn't be any more amazing. I would never be able to go through something like this without him and his strength. He makes me dinner or goes out and gets whatever I may be craving. He helps clean, brings me my treatments, and the other day even offered to give me my insulin (although that is not happening yet. :]) Ever since I've been on these antibiotics he has been scratching my back endlessly. Because of my coughing and constant movement in trying to get comfortable in bed he pretty much gets as much sleep as I do but as soon as I'm falling back asleep he is leaving for a day at work. He constantly says little things that make me feel better and beautiful. Above all he never complains about anything and he makes the hardest situations fun. I couldn't have asked for a better husband to help me through this time.

A little more about me...

Pregnancy has got to be the only time in life where it is acceptable to talk about yourself all the time and have everything revolve around you. :] Haha but I try not to annoy to many people. Actually Jarom asked me if I was documenting this pregnancy and all the fun (and weird/hard) things happening to me. I kind of have but I thought I'd share my feelings so far and things I love and don't love about it.

So far pregnancy is ok. I can't say I'm one of those people who love being pregnant. I was really hoping I would get lucky and be one. I know part of this is partially attitude but I have friends who love being pregnant because they actually feel better when they're pregnant. This is not me!


 I do love feeling this little boy (although who knows how long that will last as he gets bigger and crushes my already declined lungs.) I love the opportunity that I've had to experience pregnancy. It really is an incredible experience and although it isn't all fun and games, it's something that I feel truly blessed to be able to discover. Although no one ever said that I wouldn't be able to have children, I knew it was possibility that I may not or that it would be difficult. During the past 2+ years I was afraid that I may not even be able to try and become pregnant with all the health issues I was experiencing. Now I am, and on the hard days I just remember that time and I feel truly blessed.

So far I love that this little guy is improving my health. I've gained 7.5 pounds. :] YAY! I'm the fattest I've every been in my life at 137.5. Not that I want to be this big after I have the baby (I'm perfectly content being around 130) but my doctors were hopeful that I'd just gain at least 15lbs through the entire pregnancy. Looks like I'll hit that mark easy and that makes Dr. Ramos very happy which makes me very happy!

My lung function is also the highest it's been in 3 years at 2.6 liters or 77%. This was surprising since, obviously, as the baby gets bigger my lung capacity should shrink. This should still happen as time goes on but so far things are good.

I also love how it's changing me physically when it comes to taking care of myself. Even though the diet change is hard I have cut so much junk food out of my diet that  I probably never would have in the first place. Before I could down sugar, now I can only have a little bit and even then it can be unsatisfying. I'm also drinking more water. I can't say exercise has changed so much but maybe over time? I consider taking my children to the park and playing with them a form of exercise. :] I just feel overall I'm taking better care of myself.

I'm also trying to establish habits now that I want to have after the baby is here. Something I've really been working on is having a clean house. I want to have a nice clean/organized house after the baby is here so I'm trying to find ways to clean fast and efficiently! (I have some great friends giving me great tips. Money saving tips also!)

The downside of pregnancy so far:

- Heartburn (occasionally keeping me up at night)
- Back pain (a lot of the time. The pain comes in the middle of the night or morning and then just discomfort during the day and I'm only 21 weeks.)
-Sore tailbone (not that this is something that pregnancy causes but I sit so much my tailbone is sore a lot. I really need to get up and move around more but I'm just so tired with this heat that sitting down feels so good! It also has a lot to do with all my driving down to S.D for my doctors appt.)
- Peeing all day (obviously but just within the past week I think this baby is sitting on my bladder. Last night I went to the bathroom, relieved myself, got off the toilet and literally 2 min later I felt like I needed to go again. I thought it might just be a little bit but back to the toilet I went and had a completely full bladder. Crazy) 
- Some constipation (sorry probably TMI)
- Sore Tummy (yes those ligaments are being pulled! When I rub my stomach it's the equivalent as if I just did 100 sit ups and my belly button is more sore when touched.)
- Awkward showing (I'm still in the weird stage. Half of people say I don't look pregnant at all and the other half say they can totally tell I'm pregnant. It really depends on what I'm wearing and what time of day it is. I was really hoping I'd get this cute little belly popping out but what appears to be happening is  the baby is just pushing everything up, so I just look like I have a pot belly. It's making me feel blah. Not that I feel fat, per se, I just feel wide and  kind of unattractive since I have no clothes that fit. I even tried on some preggo clothes and those DID make me look fat.)
-Popped out Belly Button (you can't really see it yet but man am I gonna have one popped out/ huge belly button by the end of the pregnancy. Not that I mind seeing it on other women but I don't really like how it looks [no offense if your belly button pops out] and mine will!)
-Poor sleeping habits (getting pregnant during the summer was just plain dumb. :] Not that I would have waited anyway but it is so hot. I don't handle heat well anyway so I love staying up at night... late at night. I've been going to bed around 12-1am. My back hurts less, I'm not as hot, the baby kicks like crazy, and it's my favorite time! It's really hard to try to convince myself to go to bed when I know I'm going to wake up in a few hours needing to pee and in back pain tossing around, pulling stomach muscles, and trying to find a better position. Part of me doesn't care since I know whatever schedule I had is going to be messed up anyway when the baby gets here but I also know that I need be on a better schedule. I mean if I start off on a good schedule when the baby comes (even if it gets messed up) I know it will be better for everyone if I have better sleeping habits to begin with. Plus it's a commandment so you can't argue with that.)
-Insulin (I'm starting insulin soon. I tried it once and it was a little really intimidating but ultimately I couldn't feel the needle go in my stomach at all. It's just another thing to worry about and I'm afraid that in doing it all the time my stomach could become bruised and then that would hurt. Hopefully not.) 
-Lack of muscles (I'm not really sure what I can blame this on but it's not even stomach muscles; It's leg muscles. Yesterday I was holding a couple items that I thought were a little heavy [which means they weren't] and I dropped my keys. I bent down to get them and could barely use my leg muscles to get myself back up. I was so sad I wanted to cry! I'm such a weakling!)
- Very Extremely sore bust (I don't feel the need to go into details on this one. If you've been pregnant you know where I'm coming from. If not then you don't need to. If you want to know, ask me later or someone else.)

More Feeding Tube

Last Tuesday I had my doc. appt. in S.D to see why my feeding tube hole isn't closing. Nothing is wrong (of course) but there's just enough scar tissue built up that it's not closing. They did a CT scan and some x-rays with contrast. It was a long day. My appt was at 1 for the CT scan (and they told me I couldn't eat). They didn't get me in until 1:45 and only after I went up and talked to them. They got me in (since I had the appt. with x-ray at 2) and 25min later I was done with that. Then I waited and waited and finally at 3 they brought me back for my x-ray. The doctor came in and looked at it, explained that there was nothing on the C.T. scan and gave me options of how I could close it, told me what they were going to do with the x-ray and then left. I thought he was going to prep (it needed to be sterile) but he didn't come back. In the meantime they've prepped me and made the area around the hole sterile so I can't move. So I'm laying on the table not able to get my phone or do anything and I eventually fall asleep. 45 min later the doc comes back into the room and finally starts the proceeder. I guess there was a small emergency with another patient (glad I didn't need to be anywhere but I still haven't eaten!). They put the contrast in, confirm there is nothing there, and ask if I want surgery or a plug. Surgery is more intense as they would have to knock me out and possibly make other incisions to stitch me up. It would probably be a longer recovery as well. For the plug they sedate me then numb the area... go in and widen the hole a little, scrap of the scar tissue that's accumulated, and put in a bio-degradable substance that will help the skin to close. There's a plug that sticks out of my stomach and when the hole is closed it falls out. Sounds better except there's a greater chance that the hole wouldn't close. They say I'm a great candidate (young and very healthy for anyone who would normally get a feeding tube) but they can't promise anything. They can't promise anything with surgery either but there's a better chance. So I've thought a lot in the past week, debating what's going to let me get pregnant sooner :], and I think I'm going with the plug. Initially I thought surgery but I've decided to go with the less invasive procedure and if it doesn't work then I guess I'll have the surgery.

Me in my beautiful hospital gown.

The x-ray with contrast.

The catheter is going into my stomach. You know... where the feeding tube hole was. :] They stuck in the hole.

Feeding Tube (Photo Warning)

In April of 2006 I got a feeding tube. I didn't really feel like I needed it but I was excited to get it. I mainly got it because everyone was constantly on me to eat food and gain weight. I hated eating (which is why everyone was always on me to eat) and I knew if they would just back off I might like eating again. I knew I might lose some weight at first but then I'd learn to like to eat again. But no one listened to me so I decided to get a feeding tube. I had some spiritual impressions that it would be a difficult recovery and it was. I mean stomach surgeries are hard anyway because it hurts to do ANYTHING. I mean I didn't realize how much I use my stomach muscles for everything! Plus with my C.F they wanted to me to cough all the time and it did take me a lot longer to heal to then other kids. Well like I thought after I got it everyone backed off and I learned to love to eat again. About 2 years later I wanted to take it out but my dietitian kept telling me... well if you want to have a baby someday you'll want to keep it in. So I did for another 3 years in which time I got married and we decided it was time to start our family. So I started seeing doctors and they had never heard of anyone who was pregnant with a feeding tube. :/ Huh I was so mad because I wasn't sure how an expanding stomach would work with a feeding tube and no one could give me answers plus it was hurting sooo badly it would keep me up at night. I asked a G.I doctor about removing it and he said I could just take it out and it'd heal in a few days. So I took it out and 5 months later it still hasn't healed. This is what I wanted to write about because it's why we came to S.D in the first place. I finally got an appt. set up to see another G.I doctor to have a consult about getting it sewn up this past Friday. When we came down we decided to stay for the weekend and for the 4th. Anyway we went and the nurse and surgeon had never really heard of it not closing before. It always closes on it's own in a few days, 2 weeks at the most. So I have to come back July 12 (Tuesday) and have a C.T scan. They're going to put some ink in the hole and make sure that my stomach acid isn't leaking into any other parts of my body. They also want to see if something is blocking the hole (like a stitch) that's keeping it from closing. If I'm lucky they'll just get it closed up right afterward. When I got those impressions that it would take a while to heal I didn't think that meant when I took it out also. :]

Well here are some pics...

Right before I took out the feeding tube

Right after... It was so raw and red. Super painful. The scar next to it is an incision they made to help them during the surgery.

5 months later. It actually doesn't look to much better in this pic but it's not raw and there's just a bit of red. It's also closed a lot. It probably looks bad because it's a close up shot.

We've officially moved!

So I'm really bummed because I want to be posting lots of pictures but we don't have a camera! :[ I've been using Jaroms phone but I need to take the time to download the pictures. Anyway yes it's official... we now live in Rancho Cucamonga.

We moved Thursday but then came right back to S.D that night and spent the weekend with my family. We also cleaned out our condo and made it nice and pretty for the couple who is moving in. Next time we're getting a maid. :]

I like our little apartment but I LOVED our condo so I'm still adjusting. :] Actually our apartment is not so "little." It's way bigger then our condo. Our condo is 781 sq. ft. and our apartment is 1100! I love the space. We have a second bathroom which is nice AND we have a washer and dryer. This is the first time I've LOVED doing laundry! I've already done 2 loads and I can't wait to do more. :] We also have a huge walk in closet and master bedroom. I've unloaded almost everything (still working on the office) and it's definitely starting to feel like home but I'm anxious to put up pictures.

Jarom is at the institute today. I feel badly because there isn't a whole lot to do. We really want to get in a clean it out but Hal doesn't leave until June 1st so he can't really do anything until then and classes don't start until June 9th. But he is hired so he's just kinda hanging out, preparing lessons, and trying to find stuff to do.

Well that's about it. I can't wait to share more posts about our time in Rancho! :]

Oh and P.S just an update from my last post about my glucose test. Turns out my numbers are semi-"normal." They did 4 draws and I guess the lab tells them to only look at the 1st and 4th. The doctors have tried to convince them to only do 2 shots but they still have to do 4. Yeah I don't think it makes sense either but I guess it was good they did 4 for me because my fasting was 102 (normal). But then it spiked up to 189 and then 230 (high). My fourth draw was 89 and they know it went even lower then that later because when I got home I was dizzy, shaking, and nauseous. SO that's the problem. According to the first and last number I don't have diabetes. But because it spiked so high and then because of how low it spiked when I was home it show that my pancreas it struggling. The insulin doesn't kick in soon enough and then when it does it's let's out way to much. They said right now it can be treated with diet. No soda (not problem for me) and only little bits of juice (big problem) and fruit with my meals. No sitting down in the morning with a big bowl of fruit or anything like that. My meals have to be very frequent and mixed. I should be having 6 small meals a day and only little amounts of sugar with each meal. But when I become pregnant they'll have to put me on insulin since I have a "struggling pancreas." :[ Like I said... I love you future baby!

Future baby... I must really love you!!!

Although it's not 100% if Jarom and I can conceive we have felt prompted that it is the right time and that we need to start trying. And that doesn't bother me because I'm so ready to be a mom. Well I'll be FAR from perfect or prepared but I'm ready in the sense that I want to be a mommy! And the more time that goes by the harder it is because I don't know how long I'll be on the this earth and I want to be with my baby as long as possible! I know I have eternity but I also have a natural man mind and that makes it kinda hard.

Anyway with that said there are a lot of things that I've needed to do physically (and spiritually) but mainly physically to prepare for this little munchkin! Horrible, painful things and I'm not even pregnant yet! I mean at least if I was pregnant I'd know that all the bad things I was going through was worth it right?! :] Well it's all good because all these things are helping me to be healthier in general but for example...

Today I had to take a glucose tolerance test. A horrible test that should be banned because it's to close to torture!! Haha jk it's not that bad it just involves a lot of needles and I hate needles. I know you'd think with my life I'd be used to it by now but... no! And of course anxiety is the worst but first you fast for 12 hours. Then get your blood drawn. Then you have to drink this horrible orange flavored drink that made me feel like I was going to throw up for about 3 hours until I got some food in me. But before I could eat I had to get another shot 30 min after the 1st. Then 30min after that. Then 1 hour after that!!!! YES that's a total of 4 shots. :[ And like I said I'm not even preggo yet! This may all be for naught. :] Future baby I really love you so I hope you're coming soon and I'm not getting these promptings because the Lord knows that's the only way I'll buckle down and really take care of myself... and then in the end I wont be able to have babies. So yes I hope you're coming soon!! :]

My shot marks...

This was the worst because they used the same vein. They always say "I'll go higher then the last poke" but it's doesn't matter... once the vein is bruised, it's bruised and it still hurts!

I know they are so small but even the smallest things can be the most painful. Hahaha in reality it wasn't that bad and I know I'm going to have to do it again in the future and I'll be able to handle it. I just like being dramatic.

C.F Walk

Can you believe it is time for another C.F walk again?

I think all of you know that I have a disease called Cystic Fibrosis. It is genetic and deadly and every May friends and family get together and walk to raise awareness to help find a cure for Cystic Fibrosis.

The walk this year is May 15th at DeAnza Cove, Mission Bay... 9am! I hope to see many of you there. It's a great day to get out and walk right on the water. :]

I know it is hard times financially but every penny counts towards finding a cure or discovering new medicines that can help prolong the life of people with C.F!! If you'd like to donate to my team just copy and paste this link

http://www.cff.org/great_strides/TaylerPrice6390

into your browser and you should be at my home page on the C.F website. There is a donate button on the top and bottom. It is an extremely secure site. I have been doing this for many years and have never had any problems.

Thanks you so much for all of your support! I love you guys!!!

This is one of my favorite quotes:

"I don't know why I have Cystic Fibrosis or if there will ever be a cure for me. But I do know that if having this disease is why I have felt so much love for you and my family, I would do it again just the same. Maybe God gave me this disease so I would understand how important loving life is. Even when it seems that we don't understand our own worlds, He does. He is the one with the big picture."

My poor hubby!

Well other then that fun stuff Jarom has been really sick lately. :( It all started out when we went to this little mexican place Mon night. Right after he ate his food his stomach wasn't settling at all. He was up all night with cramps and chills. Then the next day he had to go to work at least for the morning and still had chills. He came home an hour early and had a horrible fever.



We didn't have a thermometer but when I felt him he was burning! I knew he was over 102 for sure but I wasn't sure how high until Wed when we checked and he was 104 and felt cooler then he had the Tues.!! Well Tues night he had a horrible fever, chills, aches, pains, and was throwing up from 8pm-1am. On wed night we took him to urgent care and his throat looked really red so they checked for strep and it came back POSITIVE. Since Christmas he has had a soar throat and coughing on and off but nothing that big. Anyway we for sure thought it was food poisoning. You may be thinking no way... food poisoning never gets that bad but I beg to differ. When I took my nutrition class last year we spent a lot of time on food poisoning and those are all symptoms of really bad food poisoning. But just to make sure my mind wasn't playing ticks on me I look up food poisoning again before we went to the doc and it showed s lot of htose signs. So when it came back positive with strep I was confused. His throat hadn't even been hurting that badly. So I asked the doctor if there was any chance of his symptoms being food poisoning and he said no. So weird!! But, the doctor sent us home with some meds and everything was fine!





Until... I was talking to a nurse/close friend of mine who has studied up a lot on pneumonia. She started talking to me about the symptoms of it and Jarom had them all. Like the color and texture of his vomit, the pains in the lower back, the really cold feet and hands with the high fever, etc. Not to mentioned he has had pneumonia in the past. Well his cough isn't going away so we might go see the doctor again soon. Needless to say we are kicking ourselves for not having the doctor listen to his chest or take an x-ray!P.S Sorry if the pictures bug you!! I LOVE random pics in a blog! I think they make it more interesting!!